Unintentional Suicide
by TuesV
Summary: When Adam's self medication turns into self destruction, someone has to step in and help him regain something close to a normal life. Slash: AxL, OC. Post-Saw 1 only.
1. The Diagnosis

Hey guys.

Obviously this is post Saw 1 only. **It's going to contain slash. **LawrencexAdam, also known as "Chainshipping." **There is an oc.**  
If any of that offends you, the exit is at the top right hand side of your screen.  
It is not illuminated. I assume you can find it anyway.

For those of you still here, awesome. Enjoy.

* * *

Adam could have been dead. Not that he wanted to be dead. Not that he wanted to be alive. He just really wanted to be left alone. Any other day of the fucking week and he would have been dead. He couldn't stop focusing on that one thought. He hadn't seen a soul in days and at that one moment some neighbor decided to "check up on him" by breaking his lock out and dragging his ass to the hospital. The one time in his life someone cared and it saved his life and he couldn't feel anything but anger.

Someone was approaching the room, and from the loud sound of hard-bottomed shoes he guessed it was a doctor. The nurses squeaked like mice if you caught them off guard but the doctors liked to announce themselves. Bastards.

"Adam? How are you feeling?" The doctor sat in a chair next to Adam's bed without even looking up from his clipboard. Adam scoffed. Maybe if he looked he would know. "If you are feeling up to it, I would like to ask you a few questions."

He didn't feel up to it, as a matter-of-fact, but that didn't stop the doctor from pushing on. "It says here that you used to be a freelance photographer." It was conversational, just trying to open the door. But the door was closed. "What are you doing now?"

"Waiting until the rent checks wear thin."

He gazed up from his clipboard trying to read Adam and the type of trouble he was going to be. Conversation was clearly not going to be an option.

"How often and how much would you say that you drink weekly?"

"I don't know. Enough. A lot."

"Are you on any narcotics?"

"Not at the moment." As soon as he said it he felt bad about it. He was acting like he was seventeen and his parents were asking about his day at school. He might not be happy about being here but he might as well not ruin this guy's day too. "No, sorry man. I'm…I'm off of them right now. Maybe for a month or two."

"Methadone treatments?"

"Self treatment."

Adam was giving up on the notion that this doctor would recognize his face from the news stations. It was one of those stories you talked about at work. You don't remember the names and faces are so generic.

_Did you hear about those two guys? Some fucking psycho locked them up in a bathroom._

The doctor paused. He looked up for a second, tried to say something, but ended up just shaking his head. "Do you have someone that helped you through it? Roommate, girlfriend, parents?" Yeah. Definitely not.

"No. I live alone. I mean, in my apartment and in general."

"What about the neighbor that brought you in?"

"I've seen him a few times. We say hello in the hallways."

"Okay, how much do you smoke?"

"Not enough. As many packs as I can fit into a day, I couldn't tell you exactly."

"Have you experienced any general pain, tingling, loss of feeling in hands or feet, strange eye movements, vomiting, confusion, difficulty walking…" he trailed off and looked at Adam.

"Yeah," he replied simply.

"And you haven't been eating."

"No."

"Any particular reason?"

Adam smirked in an almost sadistic way. "Why not?"

The doctor sighed. "Adam, I have to be honest with you here. You can resist treatment. You can leave at any time unless I get the courts involved and call you insane and I really don't think that you are. I understand that the moment you get back out there is the moment you start doing this all over again if that's what you want to do. We can give you treatment, however, if you would like it."

Only once had the choice of life been so clearly in front of him. Live or die? He had been living as though the latter were the only option, a slow path to that point. He had almost arrived, he guessed. He wasn't looking to die, though. He just wanted that grey area, closer to the death side, more comfortable to him. He wanted to be unaware. He wanted to forget.

"I don't…" He paused and tried to figure out how to fit his thoughts into words. He saw too much in the hospital hallways. Every doctor was Lawrence. Every patient was himself after…"I can't stay here, I can't…I don't know. I don't know what to say to you. I don't want self destruct, I guess, I just want to…" He looked to the doctor for help. He wasn't going to get any. "Just let me go. Give me pills or something. Not the get-me-high kind, just, whatever. I'll eat something. I'll make some changes."

"It might not be as easy as you think."

"Well, I've always got neighbors for breaking my door down if I fuck up."

The doctor shifted in his seat for a moment, unsure of what to do. But eventually he stood up. "I'm discharging you. That IV has given you some calories, but you'll need to start eating slow. Not a lot. I'll have the nurse tell you about it. Thank God you've been drinking water."

"Yeah," Adam gave a small, pathetic laugh, "Thank God."

"Are you really going to…" He shook his head one more time and looked away from Adam. "I'll send the nurse in." He shut the door behind him and Adam sunk into the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine he was somewhere else. All he could see was darkness.

Adam didn't really know what to say. He hadn't meant to self destruct the way he had. At least he didn't think so. He wanted to forget what had happened, wanted to find some way to erase that part of his life. But that wasn't an option anymore, he guessed. He had to figure out if there was anything left. If anything could be salvaged from whatever his life had been before. If he could even remember what his life had been before.


	2. Gaining an Audience

Extremely short middle of the night chapter. I wouldn't do it to you if I didn't have to. More soon.

_Iammadlyinlovewithjohnnydepp_- I'm glad you are still loyal to the pairing...so few are!

* * *

Adam's apartment door was back on its hinges when he returned, but there was a foot-sized dent in the wood, and he glared at it. He turned the knob. It was unlocked. Good thing he didn't have anything to steal but cigarettes and liquor.

"Hey."

Great. It was mister "some neighbor," David, the one who's foot so happened to match the dent in Adam's door. Just the person he wanted to see after having written his own death sentence and having the doctor sign it off for him.

"Uh, yeah, hey." Adam turned to look at him and David flinched at the sight.

"You look like shit." It wasn't meant the way he sounded, he knew, but still. This guy had some nerve.

"Yeah, well, you're not exactly a fucking sight for sore eyes youself." There was an awkward pause that Adam wasn't waiting around for. He walked inside of his apartment and shut the door behind him.

The apartment hadn't changed, of course. Some shit must have been moved around when he was "rescued" from the living room, but it was all so messy it couldn't even be noticed. No sign of a struggle here. Then again, he hadn't actually been awake to struggle.

He knew he shouldn't be angry with David. Someone saving your life really isn't cause for contempt; even Adam was lucid enough to know that. He just wasn't Adam's type of person, what with all of that neighborly caring and the face of a dog in the pound when perspective owners walk by. He recognized too much in those looks. The last person who tried to help him…well, that didn't really work out too well in Adam's book.

He was angry, too. At the intrusion, the broken door, the obvious suspicions that made David want to "check up" on him, and probably just because he now had someone he could let down. Adam just wanted to be alone. Silently killing yourself is no problem when no one would care, but now there was apparently someone who did. What a fucking joke. Adam needed a drink.


	3. Drunken Bartering

Not going to lie, I was just at a party and can hardly type. But this was written in a much more sober state, so no worries.  
Rapid updates due to shortness...yaaay!

Notes:

_...JohnnyDepp_- I will get to readin' it.  
_sarahmichelle.x_- I'm glad that you see the Adam in it, I try to stay true to form.

* * *

In about a week's time Adam was already sick of opening the door to see David. The first few days it was just annoying, but now he really wanted to just punch the guy. Every single day for a week, there would be a knock on the door around two in the afternoon. Adam made it a point to already be slurring by this point. He remembered saying something about changing, but isn't that what every addict promised?

"Want some lunch? I brought a sandwich. Ham." David held it out, as if offering proof. Adam grabbed it as he had come to do, just to get him to go away. He wondered if David's friends knew about it. Maybe he said something like 'Hold that thought, I have to go feed my neighbor' as though he were some sort of pet. Like a hamster or a fish, only less appreciative. Less appreciative than a fish. Oh, God.

"Uh, thanks," he said, trying to steady his words. It was a first. David's smile made him sick, so he slammed the door.

It continued on like that, for what seemed like forever, but time was creeping for Adam so he couldn't be sure. It continued until one morning, just like the morning at the hospital, he woke up not knowing where he was. Only somewhere white. Somewhere comfortable. It took him about two minutes to deduce that it had to be David's living room. He didn't see anyone else anymore, and he didn't know anyone with such nice furniture, sans one ex-girlfriend who would not have invited him to stay over any time in the next millennium. Adam had no idea what events the previous night could have led to him being on this couch. He was not a roaming drunk.

"You're awake." David observed from the doorway. Adam nodded and allowed for a pause, which he hoped would be filled by an explanation from David. Of course, no such luck.

"How…uh…what am I doing here?"

"You don't remember?"

Adam would have said something biting to most other people, but he was assuming that David didn't have much experience with hard drinkers and let it go. He just shrugged.

"Oh…well, you pounded on my door at about three in the morning and starting screaming about how I owed you a new door."

"Uh, sorry about that."

"So I told you I would get a new one for you and you asked if I had ever seen the movie Trainspotting. I told you I had it on DVD, and you said that you'd take it as payment for a new door."

"I have no idea what inspired this. I normally don't…"

"I know. Well, then you asked if my DVD player worked because yours is a piece of shit-"

"True."

"And I said yes, and you asked if you could 'test my wares' now to make sure the deal was legitimate. So you fell asleep on the couch watching the movie."

"Shit. Sorry, man."

"It's no problem. I just didn't know you were the type that needed company when drunk."

"Fuck you." Adam almost felt a grin on his face when he said it.

"Just kidding. Anyway, want something to eat?"

Adam considered it for a minute and then shook his head. "Nah, thanks. I'll fend for myself today."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Sorry about…well, you know. You don't owe me shit."

David laughed. "Yeah, well, the movie's yours."

Adam walked towards the door, grinning. "Yeah, thanks man. I'll pick it up later."

"Adam?" David's voice dropped a little, like he wasn't sure he should be asking.

He didn't even think about it as he turned around. "Yeah?"

"You wanted me to, uh, call some guy. You seemed pretty adamant about it."

"Who?"

"Lawrence? I wrote it down somewhere over here…" Adam stopped breathing as David rustled through some papers. "Yeah, Lawrence Gordon."

"Uh, yeah. Bye." He was out the door before he could completely process the memories the name inspired. He couldn't tell if the dizziness was an effect of the hangover or just a single thought spinning him in circles.

It had been nearly a year.

Why did he want Lawrence now?


	4. No Time like the Present

Okay, so, this is the last chapter for about a week and a half (unless I get inspired in the next two nights, which I might) because I am going on vacation.  
I didn't really proofread in my haste of posting it, so forgive random errors...  
**Lawrence is coming soon**, I promise.

_nicoleb- _I'm so excited that you picked up on the namesake! Yaaay! Love all of the Saw fanatics who can catch these things.  
_...withjohnnyDepp_- (I get lazier and lazier with your name, I swear) Lawrence is coming, no need to worry.  
_sarahmichelle.x_- I appriciate the compliments! I try oh-so-hard to keep it entertaining.

* * *

Returning to his own apartment was like another kick in the face for Adam. In contrast to David's clean, white décor his own seemed even more disgusting. It smelled, first of all. Not of anything in particular, just a vague sort of stench half-masked by cigarette smoke. The air was stale. He didn't understand how that happened, how air got stale, but it was. The sink was full of dull grey, cold water, dishes sticking out like icebergs. The floor was covered with, well, nothing notable, just things. About a thousand cigarette cartons and ash trays, bottles, paper towels, clothes, just the shit he needed at arm's length on any given day.

Adam picked up a bottle and pushed some papers aside on the kitchen table. He laughed looking at, one clean spot looking so lonely. He decided to give it company, and began to move some other things.

Around two, David was knocking at the door.

"Hey." Adam threw the door open, not even bothering to look at him before turning back around into the apartment.

"Wow." David stopped dead in his tracks. "I mean, it's not…it's not clean, but it's…wow."

"I got bored." Adam looked around. The floor was cleared off, as was the kitchen table. The counters weren't exactly clean, but less disgusting than they had been.

"You should get bored more often. Wait a minute…are you…" He paused and looked at Adam with that dog look that he got so often. "Are you sober?"

"Oh, fuck off."

"No, I mean…it's just…never mind. Do you want some food?"

"Uh…no, I'm fine. I made something."

David didn't even have to scan the countertops for evidence; he was well aware that there was no food in the apartment. Well, food that wasn't rotting under the couch or something. "You're lying."

"So?"

David laughed and headed back out the door. He came back with two sandwiches in hand. "I could use the company anyway." He sat down at the table and tossed Adam one of the sandwiches.

"I don't remember inviting you to dine in my kitchen, but I guess I'll accept this food as an apology."

"Good idea. I'm assuming the food I bring is the only food you eat. I mean, it's flattering, but you don't have to boycott all food because it's so awful in comparison."

Adam grinned. "Oh, yeah, your fucking meat and mustard combination is unheard of."

"So you booked pretty quickly this morning when I mentioned that phone call you wanted to make." He didn't look at Adam when he said it, like it was something he didn't want to say at all but felt he should.

"Uh, yeah." There was an uncomfortable pause in which Adam knew David was torn between not wanting to pry and really wanting to know. He sighed, knowing that if he told him David would think he suddenly knew all of the answers to why Adam was the way he was. He hated that. It's the reason he moved, the reason he had to get out of that old apartment where the people in the hallways would know who he was and blame his every move on what had happened.

"Listen, you don't have to tell me. Sorry I mentioned it."

"No, it's fine. Fuck. You remember those news stories about that guy, they called him Jigsaw?"

"Yeah. Man, I couldn't sleep for weeks after I heard some of those stories." Adam gave a short laugh and David's eyes got absurdly huge. "Fuck. Oh fuck, man. I don't know why I didn't…holy shit."

"Don't worry about it, okay?"

There was a pause as David looked like his head might explode. "Christ, and Lawrence is the other guy, the one who was-"

"Yeah, he was." Adam cut him off to spare himself any detailed descriptions of the event.

"I can't fucking believe that, man. I'm so sorry." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Nothing you have to be sorry about. But anyway, I guess I've been debating whether or not to call him. I guess…see what's going on. I don't know. I don't even fucking know the guy."

"Didn't he, like…I don't know. Didn't he hurt you or something? Fuck, you don't want to talk about this, I'm sorry. It's just fucking crazy."

"It's fine, okay? Yeah, he kind of hurt me, no biggie. Flesh wound, you know?" Adam almost laughed in spite of himself. Trying to downplay getting shot. Modesty award of the century. "I guess I just want to know what's going on in his life. See if everything worked out."

"I mean, that makes sense. It's got to be in your mind for a reason, right? Maybe you need it for closure or something."

"Yeah, I guess. So you think I should?"

"Absolutely. You know where to find him?"

"Yeah, he's a doctor so his contact information is all over google. At least he was a doctor. I don't know. I feel like…I don't know. I feel like I should care what happened to him. I mean, I do care."

"Call tonight."

"Tonight?"

"No time like the present. Do it. Fuck…I still can't…sorry. I'll stop."

Adam thought about it. He could keep putting it off and end up raving like a drunken lunatic about it a hundred more times or just do it. Maybe Lawrence would think he was insane for calling, but so what? Either way he would get it out of his system.

So it was decided.

"Yeah, tonight."


	5. Moral Support

Really, it's just like me to say I won't do something and then do it. Which I suppose is better than promising something and not delivering...

Either way, here's five.

Also, as a note, if you're subscribing to this story and keep getting double alerts, it's because I'm retarded and continuously submit chapters incorrectly. Sorry about that...

No notes, as I noted in the last chapter. Seriously, though. Love you guys.

* * *

Absolute, all-consuming self consciousness was something Adam had never felt until the moment he picked up the phone to dial Lawrence Gordon's cell phone. He couldn't tell if he would seem hopeless, idiotic, desperate, or something else horrible that he hadn't thought of just yet. He could barely hold onto the phone his palms were so slick. He didn't even have time to think of all of the horrible reasons that brought him to know Lawrence. He could only focus on calming his nerves.

"Oh fuck, it's ringing." In his head, he insulted himself. Yes, Adam, that is what phones tend to do when you call them.

David, however, managed to ignore the stupidity. "Calm down, it's fine."

Adam had sat staring at the phone for about an hour before wandering to David's apartment. After standing in the door staring at a speechless Adam for about three seconds, David locked his door and walked back to Adam's place to be the moral support he so obviously needed.

"What if it's his voicemail?" Adam hissed away from the phone, eyes wide with confusion. "I can't leave a message."

"Then you'll call back later. And stop acting like you're inviting him to spring fling, please. It's not junior high."

"Well look who's getting some of my attitude."

"Oh God. Never mind." David laughed and shook his head.

"Lawrence Gordon speaking."

Adam threw the phone to the ground, and David jumped up to retrieve it instantly. He immediately put it to Adam's ear. "When you throw phones make sure they shut," he whispered, almost angrily.

Adam held the phone by two fingers, as though it might bite. "Ah..Umm..Hey."

"…Hello?"

"Hi."

"…"

"Uh…La-Lawrence?"

Lawrence sighed heavily into the phone, making Adam's shoulders fall. "Yes. May I ask who is calling?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's Adam. Uh, Faul-"

"Oh…Christ."

"…yeah."

"I've tried to, uh, to contact you. How…are you?" Oh God, it was so fake. Adam wanted to die.

"Fine. Yeah, I've been fine. You?" David shook his head at this, and Adam just glared at him.

"Oh, you know. I've been fine."

Well, good. Everyone is fine. Thank God for that. "Well, I was just wondering. You know, how you were."

"Listen, now's not exactly a great time for me to talk."

"Oh, sorry, I'll let you go, then-"

"Would you want to meet up somewhere?"

"Uh, yeah. I don't…I don't really have a car, though."

"You don't?" David mouthed, eyes squinted. Adam shook his head, tried to mouth back an explanation, then just waved his hand. He'd fill him in later.

"That's fine. Do you still live on Las Pinatas?"

"What? How…? No, I don't. I live in Fillmore."

"In Ventura?"

"Yeah. About 40 miles out of the way for you, I'm sure."

"No, it'll be fine. Can I call you tomorrow afternoon for an address and time? I kind of…sorry, I'd love to talk…I really have to go."

"Oh, no, it's fine, man. Call any time."

"Okay. It's great to hear from you, Adam."

"Uh, yeah, great." Adam hung up, feeling oddly drained from the call. David shifted in his seat. "Just fucking ask, man."

"What?"

"Don't be so worried about getting into my shit. I pulled you over here."

"…what happened?"

Adam laughed a little, still feeling a little odd. "I guess he's going to come visit."

"Whoa. That's awesome. I mean, if that's what you wanted."

"I don't really know that I wanted anything. I guess to know that he was alive still. Not eaten by wildcats or anything."

"Well…I mean, I guess…" David started laughing.

"What?" Adam smiled, just at the sound of his laughter.

"Oh, fuck, you're going to need to get fucking hopelessly bored to get this house in shape for any visitor other than me."

Adam laughed. "Go to hell, man. I clean for no man."

"Then we really need to get you a woman."

The two of them sat there, laughing and making fun of one another endlessly. Adam almost couldn't believe himself, David was becoming less of his caretaker and more of his friend. He hadn't felt so…well, so _human_ in forever.


	6. Wrong Kind of Drink

...

I really have no excuse for this rapid updating. I'm assuming you don't mind...but it's odd, right?  
I probably need some sleep. College ruins your sleeping patterns.

**Uhh, anyway, consider it a stock pile to last you through my vacation.**

OH! And by the way, excuse some random spacing errors if they occur in this chapter, as they have in the past. Fanfic loves to add spaces to random places it seems...

* * *

"Don't look so God damn smug."

"I'm sorry? Is someone saying thank you?"

"I hate you so much."

David continued to smile, despite the accusations of smugness. He had reason to be happy with himself, in reality. Adam's apartment had, in three days, gone from a couple of attached maybe-bedrooms, maybe-living rooms, probably-drug dens into an actual apartment. The carpet had no hope of ever returning to normal, and the paint was still chipped and the sort of dingy that can't be washed off, but other than that, it looked pretty awesome.

"This is a two bedroom apartment."

"Oh, for god's sake, can you-"

"No, seriously. I was surprised. I didn't think it was."

"Enough, okay?"

"And this living room is huge!"

Adam just shook his head and threw himself onto the couch. "Alright, come on. Thanks, okay? I said it. Happy?"

"Yeah." David sat down in Adam's rather unattractive armchair, legs over one of its arms. "Why the extra bedroom?"

Adam shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, I was going to try to use to develop, you know, film."

"Photographer?"

"Hardly. I mean, I used to think I was."

"I used to paint. We all thought we were good at something, huh? But then risk management just called my name." David laughed pitifully. "Dreams die fast, man."

"Yeah, I guess." He didn't really want to get into the details of his "photography." He had loved photography in high school, but what he did paid the bills.

"Anyway, I'm going to get going. Take a shower before he comes, please. You fucking reek." Adam seemed to give it more thought than take offence. "Thank God, I was hoping you knew. I'm glad your sense of smell is returning."

"Yeah…hey, this is quite the show. Pretending to be all together and shit."

"You're pretending?"

Adam just smiled.

Around 7:15 Adam heard a knocking on the door and ran to open it, wanting to ask David if he had any bottled water he could offer up, as he didn't really feel like offering tap water to a guest was appropriate.

"Hey, could you le…oh."

"I'm early, sorry."

Adam just stared. Lawrence. Asides from a few joint police questionings he hadn't seen this man since…oh god. He couldn't help but tell himself that this had been an awful idea. He hadn't been alone with this man ever since that room. He knew he was imagining it, but he felt the scar on his shoulder tingle. The scars on his ankle. The back of his head. Fuck. Every part of him hurt.

"May I come in?"

Oh, fuck. "Yeah, oh, sorry. Hey. Sorry, you know."

Lawrence looked him in the eye. "Yeah, I do. It's fine."

"Here, uh, have a seat." He pulled out a chair at the kitchen table for Lawrence to sit at. He wasn't sure if the proper etiquette was to take his cane for him or not, but it didn't seem like an issue as Lawrence leaned it up against the table next to him. Adam sat down across from him and tried not to stare.

He didn't want to think it, he really didn't, but Lawrence looked like shit. Absolute shit. He was thin, too thin, had dark circles under his eyes, and an odd layer of growth that was something like a beard, only more pitiful. He smelled vaguely of a brewery.

"I…uh, I like the facial hair."

Lawrence looked up him and scoffed. "Yeah?"

"Uh, yeah. It's…nice."

Adam had no idea what to say, but decided that family had to be a safe bet. "So, how's Diana? Alison?"

"Uh, Diana's doing alright. She just got out of the hospital two days ago. Pneumonia."

"Oh…well, it's good that she's better."

"Yeah." The tone implied that it was obvious. It was obvious…but Adam still was a little offended. What was he supposed to say? "Alison?"

"Uh, she's fine. I think. We're not together anymore."

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"It's got nothing to do with you, so no need to be."

"Whoa, with the hostility. I don't know what the fuck to say to you, okay? Sorry if I'm a little tense. You don't seem to be so open to conversation."

"I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm just…sorry." He looked around the room absent mindedly for a minute. "Can we get a drink?"

"Uh, yeah, I don't have much. Some Sprite…uh, coffee, I guess, water…but you shouldn't really drink that…" He looked for Lawrence's reaction. It dawned on him. "Oh…uhh, yeah. Sorry. Stupid." He walked across the room and opened a cabinet. "Gin, whiskey or vodka?"


	7. With Unexpected Ease

Umm, seriously, it took me way too long to get back into this story. But I did it. Well, kind of.  
More chapters to come soon, to get back into the groove.

I know you may have expected a little bit more erotic-ness in this chapter, but really, I must respect Adam's needs at this moment in time,  
however your hopes will not be wasted in the next few chapters. We're getting there, no worries. This just isn't a PWP.

And can you effing believe that I'm still pretty sold on this being a non ADAM-O/C ? I'm almost shocked with myself.

Vacation was awesome, by the by. So enjoy the chapter. More soon.

* * *

He wasn't going to drink.

Adam decided this as soon as he had realized that Lawrence was already quite a few beers in by the time he had arrived and was now asking for more alcohol. He was sick of breaking promises. He was sick of being a disappointment. Tomorrow morning he could be proud of himself, and pride was a feeling he was kind of getting into. He had never been proud of much before.

Mostly, he owed David more than another let down.

He poured Lawrence gin after gin, cutting his own with so much water that, had Lawrence not been too drunk to notice, obviously couldn't have been more than a few teaspoons overall.

"I can't…I can't sleep. Still."

"Yeah, I get that." Adam was torn between a comforting lie and the truth. He had been sleeping just fine, recently.

"I had to leave her. She wouldn't understand. Not that…we were done a long time ago."

"I…I didn't know anything about it."

"Yeah."

Lawrence was…Lawrence was what he had been, and it was scary. He was messy, self-abusive, slurring. No one had kicked down his door to save him, and Adam was now getting a view of everything that he had become. He wanted less and less to do with it by the second. Maybe Adam was still a little fucked up, still a little rough around the edges, but he was starting to live again.

"Listen, man, maybe you should stop drinking."

"Fuck you."

"No man, seriously. I did the whole drinking thing too. You don't realize until…well, until it's too fucking late."

"It's been too late for a long time."

Adam shook his head. He was getting sick of the pity game. "You know, I'll be back in a few." He got up and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Just give me five." The door was shut behind him as soon as he finished the sentence.

He had only knocked on David's door three times before it opened. David stood there, curious for a second, and then a little taken aback.

"You've been drinking?"

"Actually, no."

"Then why do you…oh. He's…?"

"He's basically where I was. I mean, when you stepped in, not before."

"How much worse could you have been before?" David kind of laughed, but stopped when he saw Adam's face.

"We don't really need to get into that right now. I was just stopping by for some sanity. He's kind of getting to me."

David smiled a little, uncomfortable.

"What?" Adam didn't know that look, wasn't sure he wanted to.

David shifted a little. "It was worse?"

"Do we have to talk about this? Sanity, remember?"

"I've been meaning to ask, though. It's awkward. To talk about, I mean."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" No one wanted to talk about things that Adam might actually have enjoyed talking about. Of the two choices he had, one was wasted and whining and the other was…well…this. Couldn't they just talk about the most recent hockey game or something?

"We've never really talked about it. I mean, Adam, I've lived here the whole time you have. I kind of knew the ins and outs of your life before we were…friends or whatever."

"Seriously David, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Drugs, man. I mean…right?"

"Are you…" Adam breathed deeply, trying to get his thoughts together. "Listen. I have a drunk guy in my room right now. I don't know him that well. I know he sawed his foot off, and I know he shot me. Those are the major life events of his that I know about. We don't really have a bunch of safe subjects to talk about, you know, the kind that don't bring up bad memories and shit. So I come over here to clear my head for one second, and you want to talk about my fucking drug history? What is your problem? Why this all of a sudden?"

David stood, stunned for a moment at the speech. "I'm sorry. Really, I mean…sorry. I just thought we'd been avoiding it for a while. You kind of brought it up, I just thought…never mind. Did you…"

"Did I fucking what, David?"

"Did you at least tell the hospital when you were there?"

"God, the drunk guy is better than this shit." Adam crossed the hallway again and slammed his door behind him. Lawrence stared at him as he walked back in. "Sorry. Had to walk the dog, you know."

"I'm not that drunk. You don't have dogs. Right?"

"Right-o, man."

"You're not keeping up."

"Sure am." He loved it when people got to the point that blatant lies worked. "I'm right here with you." He sat down in the seat next to him.

"You're angry."

"Nah, just a little unhappy." Another blatant lie. Irate was more like it.

"Don't be unhappy." Lawrence was acting like a little kid. A hideously drunk little kid, but nonetheless, it was hanging between pathetic and cute. He was doing that thing where he was leaning in too close when he spoke, breathing too heavily. A signature drunk move that Adam found hilarious. He had to smile a little through his anger.

"Okay then, I'll be happy."

"Good. Adam. I need a favor." Lawrence tried to look Adam in the eyes, but was failing miserably.

"You need a place to stay?" Lawrence looked shocked. "Man, you're not that hard to read."

"Just for a few days. I just need a change. Maybe…until…Wednesday?" Really, Adam had kind of hoped it would come to that. He figured he needed time with Lawrence to work out whatever shit they had left about what had happened. He needed to seriously start over from the ground up. He needed to find out what it was that he had wanted.

"That would be fine, man." Adam nodded slightly and Lawrence smiled.

"Great. Fucking…perfect." Lawrence paused. Then, with the forced casual nature only a drunk person could think that they were pulling off, he continued. "I could fucking kiss you for this."

Adam responded in the only way that he could think of. "That would be fine too."

There was a slight pause of shock from Lawrence at the ease Adam had replied with. Even drunk it had caught him off guard. Adam caught him more off guard when he didn't wait for Lawrence's reaction, and rather leaned in to assure that the comment was not made in jest.

Adam thought for a second that maybe he should have been drinking, but the thought escaped from him the moment he felt his lips his Lawrence's. Soft at first, while he tried to recognize the feeling of another person's mouth against his, and then with more hunger as he suddenly recalled the fire that such a thing set inside. Had he been drinking he might have missed the way his own chapped lips made Lawrence's feel so soft in comparison. He might not have fully appreciated the feeling of Lawrence's stubble against his face.

He didn't yet have the courage to take even this further, couldn't bring himself to mingle tongues with Lawrence. He felt that he had done enough, and has he pulled away he felt a little faint. He wasn't sure if he had done it due to anger, as anger and lust often mixed circuits in his mind, or because he knew, deep-down, that he wanted something else. Someone else? Whatever.

"Adam?" Lawrence asked, louder than he should have due to alcohol being in charge of his volume control.

He thought for a second longer. "Yeah?"

"So…I can stay?"

For some reason all Adam could think of was…oh, fuck, like it mattered. "Of course."

Adam got up and walked slowly to his room, wondering what the hell he was trying to do here. He didn't even care much. His brain was on overload. Maybe he would work it out in the morning, maybe not.


	8. A Lack of Advice

So, I've managed to actually return to chapter one and explain the narcotics thing...I don't know if anyone cared much for an explanation, but I'd like to tie up loose ends before moving on.

Anyway, prepare youself for an onslaught of LawrencexAdam after this chapter. I'm sure you needn't really prepare, as you've been prepared and kindly giving me the time I needed to get there.

Really, I battle with the idea of AdamxDavid daily. I must stick to my guns.

No notes, as I've just returned from eight hours of night shift work and can't think any more. Love you guys. All of you.

* * *

Adam had hardly opened his eyes before he was out the door and in front of David's, pounding as hard as he could.

"Open up! David! Come on!" Pound. Pause. Pound. "Open the fucking door, David!"

Eventually he heard the deadbolt click and the door slowly opened to a tired, confused looking David. "We need to talk. Right now."

"Adam, it's like, nine." David rubbed his eyes and Adam ignored him, storming past into his apartment.

He threw himself down onto the couch and looked up at David as he shuffled into the room. "It's not like you work today."

"Yeah, that's why I planned on, you know, sleeping." He yawned and sat down on the armchair. "So, what do we need to talk about? Am I being yelled at for being a dick, or are you apologizing for being a dick? Either way, I'll probably agree."

"Neither right now, man, we have bigger issues."

"I don't think that we have any connected issues." David looked up at the ceiling and rubbed his hands across his face, obviously more concerned about his waiting bed than anything.

Adam laughed a little forcefully. "You have no idea." He shook his head in awe of his own problems. "Anyway, my personal non-involving-you problem still requires your attention as my only fucking friend in the world."

David laughed. "Well, isn't that sweet? Do continue to butter me up."

"Yeah, not funny. But I did something last night. Something probably bad. Something that is definitely not good. Unplanned. Not good. Probably."

David was suddenly paying attention, adjusting to a normal sitting position. "Wait, before or after I talked to you."

"After. Listen, it was totally a mistake. Well, maybe. It wasn't drunk when I did it. I didn't drink. Seriously, David, I don't know what I was thinking. I was angry about you. I just…I wasn't thinking, possibly. Maybe that's what I was thinking. Nothing."

"Adam, please stop rambling and tell me what the fuck you did." David spoke slowly, almost angrily.

Adam sighed and looked down at the floor. "I really…it's hard to tell you. I don't know how you'll take it."

"Please, Adam, just tell me, what did you do?"

Adam looked at him, questioningly, and then began laughing. "No, no, no, I didn't...no, I didn't do that! I wasn't on a mission to spite you or anything! It's not like I went back to the room and rummaged for drugs to take to spite you. God, David."

David looked relieved. "Sorry, I really thought that is where you were going with that. I need to drop the subject now. Sorry about everything. Not my business."

"Okay, yeah, it kind of is and all because I owe it to you to tell you what's been up in my life and everything. But right now we have bigger issues at hand." He looked David in the eye and the quickly looked away. "I…kissed Lawrence last night."

"…Oh." David stared at him, moving his mouth like he wanted to say something more but nothing came to mind.

"Uh, yeah." Adam felt his cheeks burning. He didn't know what to say either.

David shifted awkwardly in the chair. "Are, you, uh…you know? Gay?"

Adam shook his head back and forth. "I don't know. No. Kind of. I've avoided it for so long. You know, I like girls. I like them a lot. But…I don't know. It's not just…them…all the time."

David nodded a little. "Uh, that's kind of normal, I guess." He looked around the room before settling on Adam. "Listen, I really don't know what to tell you here…do you want like, relationship advice or something? I don't know that I can…provide that…in your situation."

"Oh, fuck, this is awkward now, isn't it?" David shook his head no, but Adam continued, not believing him. "Yeah, this is pretty much going to ruin this, isn't it?"

"Ruin what?"

"Ruin us."

"Us?"

Adam laughed pathetically. "Fuck you, fuck everyone. Not 'us' us, but like friends us."

"No, man, I just can't…I don't know what to say to you about it, okay? I can't give you advice on this sort of shit."

Adam stood up and started edging from the room. "No, it's fine. And yeah, I told the doctor about the drugs. It didn't matter. I quit months ago."

"You quit?"

"Yeah, fucking, heroin. By myself, okay man? You don't know a fucking thing about it."

David looked down. "Yeah…it…there's still some at your place. I found it when I was cleaning. That's why…"

"It doesn't matter, man. I'll see you…around or something."

"Stop by later, okay?"

Adam was already gone.


	9. Demanding Proof

I know the chapters are pretty dialog heavy, but listen, my advfiction teacher my freshman year of college told me that it's a style that I'm pretty good at. And really, I'll listen to anyone's advice so long as they are complimenting me. (I am very easily flattered. Seriously. I spent most of my year in a bar with that teacher...but that's TMI.) I am allowed to do this to you because I update way often, and even if something I write sucks, at least it exists!

Oh God, I am rambling because I am up too late and just got off of work again. I hate graveyard shift. Ugggghhhhhhhhh.

ANYWAY! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I love you all dearly.

Seriously. Mad love.

* * *

"So, you were serious about staying?" Adam asked Lawrence across the kitchen table.

Lawrence started to talk, paused with a confused face, and then began again. "Yeah. I mean, I guess. If it's okay. I mean, I can go somewhere else when you work or something."

"Hey, hey, I have a joke for you!"

"What?"

"Who has two thumbs and no job?" Lawrence looked befuddled. Adam directed his thumbs towards himself. "This guy."

Lawrence shook his head, laughing. "I fucking knew that joke. I don't know why I forgot. I used to have a friend at the hospital who would always ask the women 'who has two thumbs and wants a blowjob?' It made all of the new nurses really uncomfortable."

"Uh…yeah, I would imagine so."

"So, really, no job?" Lawrence looked at him sideways. "What do you do for, you know, money."

"Don't need money, really."

"But I mean, rent. Food. The exorbitant amount of cigarettes you smoke."

Adam laughed. "Rent's nothing, we're dining on Lucky Charms if you haven't noticed, and I refuse to accept the word exorbitant to describe any amount of cigarettes. I have enough left over. Money, not cigarettes. Or at least I did. I'm getting kind of low. I was thinking about rejoining the working world."

"Would you…uhhh…be doing…you know, what you used to?"

"I'm not suicidal. Well, I mean, doctors would disagree, but I have plenty of will to live and I don't really think getting back into that shit would help me stay that way for long. You know. Shitty memories in that."

Lawrence just nodded. "I haven't gone back to work. Won't need to for a while the way things are looking. Extravagance isn't my thing when I'm living alone."

"Yeah, not my thing either."

"Well, no shit."

They laughed, and Adam began doubting that anything had even happened the night before. How could they be this casual, to just have a conversation like this? Maybe Lawrence didn't remember. Maybe that was a good thing, but…something inside of Adam wanted to know more about it. If he did remember, why was this so easy? If he didn't, what had the alcohol done to make him…?

"So, shall we watch television all day? Isn't that what the unemployed do?"

"I'm very unaware if it is, because I don't even get cable." Adam said, standing up and heading towards the living room. He looked back at Lawrence. "Need some help?"

"Nah, I'm fine," Lawrence replied as he grabbed his cane.

Adam nodded and walked into the room, sitting on the couch. He grabbed the remote and turned on the television. "Channels 2, 3, 5, 14 and 20."

"Are you serious?" Lawrence sat on the couch next to him.

Adam nodded. "Not really a t.v. guy. How's the…uh, your foot?"

Lawrence grinned a little. "You know, it's okay. It's mostly for aesthetic value. Not much feeling, not much help, you know?"

"That's a poor fucking job of aesthetic value," Adam observed, looking at Lawrence's foot. The scar was dark and deep, an entire circle around his ankle. "Then again, I guess it's like one of those ankle bracelets. Stylish and all. My scar isn't so attractive either, but it seems to really get the chicks going that I've been shot, you know? I should make an album or something."

Lawrence smiled weakly. "Is it really that easy for you to joke about it all?" He sounded amazed, as though he were wondering if it should be for him as well.

"Oh, sorry man. I mean, you have to joke, right? You have to mention it somehow, talk about it. The nightmares come and go, but you really have to joke about it when you can. Just to get yourself to the next day."

"Yeah, I guess." He thought about it and shook his head. "You're so…young. I don't know. It's like you have some sort of view that I could never see."

"Nah, you can always see from this view. It just takes some heavy drinking and some good old fashioned drugs."

"You're on drugs?"

"No way, not anymore. I've been having this conversation with David, my neighbor, for the past day or so."

"Oh. As for heavy drinking, you weren't drinking that much last night." Lawrence looked over and suddenly there was a moment where Adam's eyes linked with his. Oh shit, he remembered.

"Hah, you noticed? Yeah, I'm kind of…you know…recovering or something."

Lawrence nodded. "I had actually assumed so. Sorry I was being such a dick, I was already drinking and Allison had called me on the way over about some sort of bank account…I just…yeah. I was an asshole. Sorry."

"Hey, it's fine. But seriously, don't…you know. Get in a car. I don't believe anyone's explanation about how well they can drive drunk or high or whatever. Just stay out of the car."

"Noted."

"Good, because I'm fucking serious, man."

"Yeah. But wait, how well can you drive after you've had a cap-full of liquor mixed with an entire glass of tap water?"

"Shut up!" Adam punched his shoulder.

"You hit like a fucking girl." Lawrence laughed at him, looking for a fight.

"You're such an asshole." He pushed Lawrence a little harder

"Aww, look, you name-call like a girl too!"

Adam shook his head and pushed Lawrence again, making Lawrence lose his balance on the edge of the couch and awkwardly slide to the floor on his ass. In the process his bad foot hit the coffee table and Adam leapt down to help him. Lawrence was grimacing in pain. "Oh, fuck, man, are you alright? I didn't know you were that fucking unbalanced. I mean, on the edge there." He looked at Lawrence's face to try and see if he was okay, but Lawrence's grimace had left, and in its place was an odd sideways stare.

"You fucking kiss like a girl, too."

Adam's body shivered a little with a mix of surprise and anticipation. "Is that right?" He asked, still playful but more quiet. His face, he realized, was unusually close to Lawrence's.

"Why, do you want to…" Lawrence swallowed hard, obviously a little nervous.

"Want to what? Prove you wrong? You can fucking bet on it." Before either of them could take time to wonder what was going on, Adam was on him, lips hungrily exploring Lawrence's own lips, his neck, his jaw line. Something snapped inside and he was suddenly unable to part his lips from Lawrence's skin, wanted only to be closer. Lawrence gasped at times, shaking slightly from what must have been nerves.

"You are fucking shaking like a girl," Adam growled into Lawrence's neck, before moving back to his mouth.

Adam wasn't exactly sure what 'kissing like a girl' entailed, but he assumed any sort of tenderness was going to be forgone. Maybe it was the lack of tongue that made him a girl. Well, fuck, whatever. He really was kind of concerned about proving Lawrence wrong. Maybe a little more than necessary, he wondered in the back of his mind. It was a mask from keeping him from wondering the real questions, such as "what the fuck am I doing?" But he didn't really care at the moment.

Finally, Adam couldn't wait any longer. Almost by reflex of need for the person receiving his attention his tongue ran across Lawrence's bottom lip, asking a question to which the reply was a resounding 

'yes!' Lawrence accepted the kiss, and Adam quickly realized that it was truly not like kissing a woman. It was a contest of power, of ownership. Adam pressed deeply into Lawrence's mouth, trying to dominate, but Lawrence would just return the action with just as much passion. It was a battle fought with their mouths, their tongues, and increasingly, their hands. Lawrence had sat up and Adam followed, never parting lips and now Lawrence was pulling him closer, hands firmly on Adam's back. Adam's own hands ran through Lawrence's hair, pushing his mouth closer when it felt too far away, which just so happened to be always.

Feeling the warmth of Lawrence's mouth made Adam remember what real human contact was like. He hadn't had sex in months, had forgotten how important it was to fill this need. His hands found their way down Lawrence's back, gravitating to his thighs, inner thighs, and then dangerously close to where he wanted them to be but wasn't sure they were welcome. He bit Lawrence's lip, maybe a little too hard – but then again, this was war- and then kissed him deeply again, edging his hands closer.

"Whoa, hold on," Lawrence coughed, breaking away. Adam looked at him questioningly. "You seem to be…really comfortable with all of this. Have you done this…you know…before?"

"Uh, no. I've been totally female-lust driven until…now. Mostly."

"Yeah, uh, here too. Completely, though. Until now. I wouldn't mind if you had, I was just…this is weird for me. I don't understand what we're getting ourselves into. Is this…are we going to keep…you know…kissing?"

Adam thought about it. "Yeah, probably."

Lawrence shook his head. "Yeah, I thought so too. Listen, can we…uh…talk about this, maybe? We hardly even know one another yet…I just…I don't know what's going on with me."

"Yeah, talking's good. Like, right now?"

Lawrence grinned. "Are you fucking serious? You still owe me some proof, you girl." Adam was already on him by the time he finished the sentence.


	10. Interuption

So...

Here's chapter 10. Sorry for the short-ish wait, but there was an incident at my job and I just so happened to hurt my slashin' hand pretty badly. By slashin' I mean writing, and by writing I mean my dominant typing hand. Ugh. It's still hurt and I am hoping it gets better, but I did work through the pain to bring you another installment in this epic-ly long fanfic.

I actually know how it will end and when it will end, so be amazed. I am not doing that thing where I just write and hope it goes somewhere and then end up quitting when it doesn't.

Love you all. Keep your hands safe, it sucks to have them working poorly.

(And can I express my amusement with the fact that fanfic is the only place on earth where it is acceptable for there to be an a/n at the top and/or bottom of every single chapter? Hilarious. I love it.)

* * *

Every morning Adam woke up he still thought that maybe the day before had been a dream. Not in that everything-is-oh-so-perfect sort of way, but in the are-you-fucking-serious sort of way. And then he'd walk out of his room, and there would be Lawrence, still sleeping on the couch and suddenly it seemed pretty real. If, during a too-normal conversation, he doubted any events further, they would soon be proven again as Lawrence roughly grabbed him closer or Adam felt compelled to dive on top of him. It was real, it was real, it was real. So why did it seem so weird?

Oh, yeah. Adam wasn't gay. And neither was Lawrence. Or…at least that's what Adam thought. He wasn't sure on both accounts.

They still hadn't talked about anything, even though they promised to almost every time they had one of their "occurrences." Adam couldn't take much more of the wondering.

"Uhh…hey." He approached Lawrence at the kitchen table. He was reading the back of a Cap'n Crunch box. "Good reading?"

Lawrence grunted. "No newspaper."

"Yeah…but there's a free edition on Saturday. They try to persuade us cheapskates to buy the real one."

Lawrence glanced up, nodded, and then looked up again. "How are you doing?" He seemed to realize Adam was standing there with purpose, probably due to the extreme awkwardness that seemed to follow Adam every time he had something important to say.

"Oh, I uh, thought we could, you know, talk. About us. I mean, it. Talk about…things."

"Okay, yeah, sure." Lawrence pushed the box aside and looked at Adam expectantly.

Adam hesitated for a moment and then looked confused. "Weren't you supposed to leave today?"

"Oh…that's today?" Lawrence glanced around the room for some sort of proof, but found none. "It's Wednesday?"

"Yeah…I think so. I mean…do you plan on staying?"

Lawrence looked at him with an expression Adam didn't recognize. "How about we talk about the other thing first?"

Adam nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense." He sat down at the table across from Lawrence. "So…you're…not…"

"Adam, can we please talk about this like it isn't terrifying, please?"

"It kind of is, though."

"I mean…I suppose I can understand that. It's…weird. I would say weird, not terrifying. But let's try to talk about it, though. Not skirt around it."

Adam sighed and nodded again. "Okay. So. You aren't…you don't like guys?"

"Well, I'm not gay."

"Yeah, but do you like guys?"

Lawrence shook his head a little. "Not that I've ever noticed. Until…recently."

"Recently as in since you've been here?"

Lawrence shook his head again. "I thought about it before I got here. Just a little weird idea here and there. I thought I was being crazy, I guess."

Adam stared at him. "Wait, before here. Like…in regards to…?"

Lawrence grinned, a little embarrassed. "Yeah, in regards to coming here."

"Oh. Okay, Whoa."

"Yeah. What about you?"

"Not gay. No, man, I love women. But I…I don't know. I've thought about it before. I guess I always just assumed it was normal. Curiosity, you know?"

"Yeah, it is normal. But acting on it isn't. Well, strike that. That's also pretty normal, but if you're feeling like…I don't know. Anything else. Connected to it or anyth-"

A pounding on the door interrupted Lawrence's thought and made both of them nearly fall out of their chairs in surprise. The pounding continued and Adam finally realized that he had to get up and answer it.

"Hold on a sec, I'm coming!" He walked to the door and unlatched the deadbolt. He opened the door to see who had been doing the pounding. "Oh…"

"Yeah, nice to see you too." David looked at him curiously. "So where have you been?"

Adam stammered a little, confused. "Oh, uh, I mean, it hasn't been…"

"It's been three days."

"Oh…sorry. I've been…preoccupied."

An odd expression crossed David's face, a mix of concern and anger with some disgust thrown in, maybe? Adam didn't know. It was gone before he could study it any further. "Is…Lawrence still here?"

"Yeah. He's…in the kitchen."

"Oh, okay. When's he leaving?"

Adam shook his head. "I'm not sure."

David seemed a little taken aback but got it together quickly as he always did. His emotions seemed a little bit more out of check than normal, however. "Well, uhh, stop by later, okay?"

"Yeah, I will."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I promise."

"Alright, later…"

Adam closed the door behind him, walked through the hall and leaned in the kitchen doorway looking at Lawrence. He shook his head. "Can we continue this later?"

Lawrence smiled. "Sure thing. I'm going to go watch the news. You know, actually care what's going on in the world?"

"Newspapers kill trees."

"Recycle."

Lawrence limped off to the living room with the help of his cane as Adam walked past and headed to his bedroom. He looked back at Lawrence, decided to say something, decided against it, and then decided for it again. "You know, I could, uh, I could grab a mattress to throw on floor in that extra room for you…"

Lawrence looked at him, almost confused. "Uhh…yeah. That would be cool." Adam nodded and returned to his room, deciding he need a few extra hours of sleep.


	11. Things Improved

Okay, so I am not a review whore, but to see the amount that I suddenly have? Cool, cool. My hand is still hurty. Ugh. But, I come baring smut. **Be forewarned,** although I am sure none of you care and many embrace it, this is a mildly graphic chapter. Yaay! And for the first time in ages, I bring you the much missed section,

**Notes**:

_**nicoleb**_- Oh how I love you. Lol, it's people like you that make me want to keep writing. Anyway, I'm glad you're likeing the development. I aim to please the more wonderful readers like yourself :-)  
_**Iammadlyinlovewith**...- _As far as I am concerned I trust no one to operate me other than those who indulge in cereal box literature. It's really the best. Seriously. 3 you too, by the by :-D You guys touch me with your loyalness and sticking through this hellishly long fanfic.  
_**Sammy07**_- Waaah! That was a lot of reviewing! I am glad you are liking it all so far, it's cool to see that people are still Chainshipping fanatics. And of course, more CSing in the future from me can be counted on. And other random slashing...it's fun to jump around other fandoms too. I'm also glad you like David! There's a fun note about him coming up...you may be interested.  
_**GodGudKami**-_ Same to you! Mass reviewing! It's cool, I like to see the feedback from each chapter. It's so great that you're into it. We always need more chainshippers!.

**Note to All!**

Just some stupid random things:

1) David, who is intended to bring up the namesake of Leigh's character in the short, has a place in every fiction I write. I may be new to fanfic, but I write a ton of fiction (actually this all started as a break from my attempt at the Great American Novel) and in every single story there is a character named David. He is always different, but in my mind he is the same peson just acting differently. I'm odd. I didn't intend to bring him into my fanfic, but it was irresistable when I needed an OC and the name had another great connection.  
2) This isn't Adam/OC. Just to let ya know. It may have been unclear. Oh, God, how I wanted it to be. But I maintain my self control :-)  
3) I am not a review whore, but seriously, I love your feedback, I love knowing what I did right and wrong. It's all for you guys. I love you all 3

* * *

David was pacing so quickly that Adam swore it would wear a hole in his carpeting. That is, David's highly expensive frieze carpeting, which he knew the details about only after nearly throwing up on it one night. David had apologized for rushing him from the room, and then explained about the carpeting. Well, fuck. Who knew?

Adam wished David would start fucking talking so he didn't have to think about such stupid things. He had been sitting on the couch watching him pace and try to say something before deciding otherwise for about three minutes, which was an extremely awkward amount of time.

"Did you call this meeting for a reason, councilor?" Adam tried a smile, but when he realized David hadn't heard him he got a little aggravated. "Hey, you listening?"

"What?" David looked at him for a second with that deer-in-headlights look and then stopped walking. "Yeah, yeah. Listening."

"Well, why have I been called to your office?" Adam shifted back into the couch, the one he had slept on one of the first nights he had really known David. Not that long ago, actually, but it seemed like years.

"Okay…well, I'm just trying to find a way to say this to you that doesn't sound…" He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. "I don't want this to sound like something that I don't want it to sound like."

Adam smirked. "I wasn't aware you often said things meaning for them to sound like something you didn't want them to."

Even David smiled a little. "You know what I mean."

"I really don't, actually. So come on, what's up?"

David sat down in the arm chair and sighed. "Okay, I know I haven't come off as really…understanding. Recently. About your…situation. Hell, I don't really even know what your situation is anymore. It's been three days, I guess things have probably changed."

Adam raised his eyebrows in regards to his own situation. "You'd be surprised. Not many changes."

David nodded. "Yeah, well, either way I don't want to seem like some sort of dick who's blowing you off because of what…you told me."

"Because I kissed a dude."

"Uh, yeah, that. I mean, if that's your thing, that's your thing. I'm just kind of…" David paused to try and get the words right. "I'm worried. For you, you know? I mean, I haven't seen you in three days. I don't really know what that means because it's never happened before. Should I bring you food, should I check up on you, should I leave you the fuck alone? I don't know."

"Really, we've been over this, I'm not your dog. You don't have to feed me and walk me and shit."

"Yeah, but you are my friend and I've got reason to worry, you have to admit."

Adam nodded slightly, trying to smile but coming off with more of a smirk. "Yeah, I suppose you do."

"So, I was weirded out. I'm sorry. It was shitty of me. But could you please let me know what's going on…if only in the most basic sense? Like, food wise, alcohol wise? Maybe drug wise if it ever becomes and issue?"

"Come on, man, I'm not like cutting you out and only sending you bulletins on the general state of my apartment. We'll be normal again or whatever. It's just been weird, you know? I've always like girls. This is really fucked up for me."

"Yeah, I guess ten times more than it is for me. Just…sorry I've been kind of a dick."

Adam laughed. "I really don't think that you are capable of being a dick."

"Good to hear. So…you need to…uhh…talk about it?"

Adam shook his head. "It's basically the same as it was. Just weird. Confusing. I'll…if anything really important happens I'll let you know. I don't expect you to be some sleepover buddy and listen to the details, okay? I guess most of my old friends would just kick my ass for this. You're really…I mean, your not a shitty friend. It's kind of cool."

"I try. But, yeah, let me know if anything big happens. I need to adjust my thinking to give any sort of advice, assuming I can even do that, but you know. I'm here for you."

"Appreciate it. Hey, uh, if you happen to hear about any jobs or anything…I'm thinking about looking for one."

"Thinking about it?"

"Yeah, just thinking. That's hard enough for me."

David smiled at him. "You're so fucking lazy. Get out of here."

"Oh, I'll be back." Adam laughed.

"Out!"

Adam walked back to his room, still laughing, relieved that he and David might still be able to return to normal no matter the weird events going on inside of his own apartment, which now included Lawrence sleeping on a mattress on the floor in his spare bedroom.

Adam kicked on the partially open door, where Lawrence lay, sleeping in his jeans. It seemed to be both of their favorite pastime, napping at random times. He dropped himself down onto the mattress, propping his head up on his hands. Lawrence woke up from the disturbance, turning over to try and ignore Adam.

"Wake the fuck up."

Lawrence grumbled.

"Seriously, wake up. Good news."

Lawrence grumbled again.

"Well, fuck you. I'll tell you anyway. David and I are cool again. Which is great for me. Means I'll be able to get the hell away from you every once in awhile." He smiled and punched Lawrence's back.

Lawrence flipped over again and squinted his eyes at Adam. "Well, that's good news. I still don't know the guy. You allegedly have this friend, but I sure as hell don't believe it."

Adam punched him again, this time in the chest, and the two of them began a wrestling match that, of course, ended in the familiar situation of lips on lips, and the frighteningly new sensation of tangled limbs against bare flesh, Lawrence only in his jeans.

Adam was shocked by the way that one missing shirt could increase the feelings of desire, and along with that the feelings of unfamiliarity. Until now it had been kissing. He had kissed plenty of girls before, never one with stubble, but kissing was kissing none the less. Now, his hands running across Lawrence's surprisingly toned chest as he kissed him, it seemed he had entered and entirely new world.

Also new to them was the mattress, and with it came a sense of stability. Kissing on the floor and the couch and at the kitchen table had all been born out of passion. Kissing in a bed seemed formal, planned. Adam was almost scared by it all, almost scared enough to stop, but not quite.

Adam had originally been above Lawrence, the advantage of descending upon the recently sleeping, but Lawrence – as Adam had recognized quite quickly – was not the type to be in any sort of dominated situation. As their kissing had become more passionate Lawrence had reversed the situation and pinned him down.

In their desire, Lawrence lost some inhibition and seemed to forget the situation and the taboo surrounding them as he slowly rocked his hips against Adam's, burying his face into Adam's shoulder, biting him to control the urge to moan. The unexpected pressure from Lawrence's thighs on what was quickly become Adam's most needy part of his body caused him to quickly react without thinking, raising his own hips to meet Lawrence's rocking, and gasped as he felt the contact increase.

Adam didn't know who reached first, but just as he had the compulsion to reach down and feel for Lawrence's zipper, Lawrence's hands reached down to find Adam's. They fumbled for a second, hands and arms intertwined, lips still crashing together in what seemed to be an increasingly desperate attempt to just be closer to one another. Eventually their hands traded sides, taking the easy way out and managing to undo their own jeans. Adam had an easy time kicking his own off, but Lawrence didn't have that luxury.

"Adam," Lawrence tried to get out between their desperate kisses. "Adam, I need…" Adam stopped and looked at him. It was as though everything that had happened just occurred to him. He was in his boxers 

and t-shirt, on a mattress with Lawrence, who was about to be in only his underwear. "Adam, I need to…take these off."

Adam bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah, uh let me help."

"Unless…should we…"

Adam shook his head. "I don't know what the fuck we're doing. But…you know. Let's…go with it."

Lawrence nodded silently as he carefully slid his jeans past his bad foot, wincing slightly. When he had them off, the two looked at one another. Adam couldn't help but think how attracted he was to Lawrence. No matter if he was gay or not, looking at him sitting there was having an effect that was for the most part unexpected. He could feel himself, half-hard already and getting harder. He quickly noted in his head that Lawrence wore boxer-briefs, and then leaned in to kiss him again.

This time the kissing was less rushed at first. It was slightly more tentative, as neither men knew where the moment was taking them. But they quickly got back into the swing of things as their kissing gradually became needier, as they could only ignore their needs for so long.

They began rocking against one another for a second time and this time Lawrence himself couldn't help but make small moaning sounds and gasps as they hit all of the places that felt right. The noises he made only got Adam more turned on, and Adam's noises in turn seemed to do the same to Lawrence.

Unlike the jeans incident, it was obvious that Lawrence made the first big move after they had the pants removed. Adam's hair on the back of his neck stood up as Lawrence dared to run his hand across Adam's waist, his thumb just barely under the elastic on the edge of his boxers. Then, after a few more test-runs, his hand slid under the elastic completely, edging them down as they continued to kiss, until eventually Adam's erection was exposed.

Adam didn't really have time to worry about being exposed as such, because it wasn't as though Lawrence was paying any particular attention as far as looking went. He lips were firmly attached to Adam's, refusing to part as his hand found Adam's erection. Adam jerked slightly, but only kissed deeper, completely unsure of what to expect although he knew exactly what was happening. Never had he felt so sexually inexperienced since high school, and in a strange way he liked the excitement it held. Lawrence's hand gripped him and his thumb circled the head lightly, causing Adam to shiver. Lawrence began to move his hand up and down along Adam's shaft, steadily, gaining a little speed when Adam raised his hips to instinctively respond to the touch.

Adam had to take his lips off of Lawrence's and use his neck to drown out all of the gasps and groans that were being drawn out of him as Lawrence's hand worked on his erection. He felt the orgasm coming, more quickly than he could have thought possible, probably due to the sheer excitement of the situation and not just the act. Lawrence continued to pick up a small amount of speed, and Adam pressed his head back into the mattress, waiting for it to overtake him, which it did shortly. He felt a shudder move from his hands and feet, though his chest, concentrating where Lawrence's hand worked. He came in long spurts onto the boxers and shirt he had been wearing, and Lawrence continued until he 

had completely finished. He kissed Adam softly, and Adam tried to respond but could only lay there, completely satisfied.

Lawrence smiled at him, knowing that Adam had needed it more than he had, and lay down next to him.

Through his heavy breathing Adam managed some words. "You…next time…I'll…"

Lawrence laughed softly. "Go to sleep, Adam." He turned over and resumed the nap that Adam had interrupted to begin with.


	12. Becoming Old Friends

I won't bore you with a long a/n because this is a way short chapter. I am trying my hardest to get this thing done before I leave the country for two weeks...I don't leave until mid-july, but just in case I am really driving through this quick, fast and in a hurry. I plan on plenty more fics when I come back, but I want this one to be complete before my voyage. I was aiming for under 20 chapters, but I might have to say under 25. Let's just see, shall we?

* * *

It had been quite some time since Adam had pounded on David's door without any idea of what time it was. He was kind of starting to miss the days when he had been completely ignorant to the happenings in the world and David just tolerated it. He was currently making himself nostalgic. And hurting his hand.

"God damnit David, open your door!" He pounded more trying to increase the volume of the strikes. "David open the door! If I hurt my hand I'm suing you!"

The door opened suddenly. "You can't fucking sue me for you being an idiot."

Adam smirked. "This is America. I sue for what I want and I win." He walked past David and into the living room, as he normally did. He had stopped waiting for an invitation ages ago.

"Are you serious right now? It's three in the morning. I am tired. I work tomorrow." He pushed the door shut behind him and shuffled into the living room, curling up on the couch. "What's wrong?"

Adam shrugged. "Nothing. I got a job. I worked tonight. I'm bored and not tired."

"You know, for most people that would be a personal problem. Oh, no, not for you. For you it has to be someone else's problem." He put a couch pillow over his face and sighed heavily into it.

Adam sat cross legged in the arm chair. "Did you just hear me? I have a fucking job. I just worked. Why aren't you asking me about it?"

"I made the very correct assumption that you would be telling me regardless."

"You know, I could be very mad at you about that, but I won't be, because I am now a functioning part of society." He paused for a moment, waiting for David to ask questions or make fun, but neither happened so he continued on without him. "I called and asked for a job at the paper. They were advertising it. They asked if I got hired if I could work tonight, and I said of course. They interviewed me, I guess to make sure I'm not a felon or something – although I promise some of the people working with me are – and then I got to work."

David grunted. Adam refused to go on any more. "Ugghh. Fine. What the fuck do you do there?"

"I'm an inserter. I load the advertisements into machines. At night."

"Well, clearly."

"Shut up. I needed company."

David rolled over. "You have company. Where is Lawrence?"

"Oh, he's staying in his old apartment for a few days. He wanted to go see his daughter."

David raised his eyebrows. "Your life is so fucked up. I can't even keep up. So are you and him, like, serious or something?"

Adam shook his head. "Not at all. I mean, it's confusing. I don't know what to make of it."

David smiled. "Yeah, I guess it's the same for all relationships. You never know. Anyway, is this shit going to be a common fucking occurrence? I have a day job. I don't need nightly updates from your job."

"Someone's grumpy. And anyway, I only work four nights a week."

"You've got to be kidding me." David rolled over and covered his face with the pillow again.

"Fine, I'll go. Listen, I'm kind of…living off of cereal and coffee. And cigarettes. I was wondering if you wanted to go…uhh…grocery shopping or something tomorrow?" David grunted. "What was that, David? You promise to go with me? How nice of you! You have a good night too!"

Adam laughed at himself as he left, unsure of what to do when he got back to his apartment.


	13. CEOs and Corporate Hoes

I wish I was a little bit taller...  
I wish I was a baller...

I wish my life weren't so violently strange.

Anyway, sorry for the HUGE long absence, and I hope you enjoy this meager chapter as an apology. I'm not even going to bother trying to explain why I was gone. My life is unbelieveable.

Have all of you heard about the Large Hadron Collider? Scientists say that there is a 1 in 50 million chance that it will end the earth this August. Ummm, 1 in 50 mil is not a slim enough chance for me, thank you. I wish people would not try to find anti-matter and be content with lounging around watching Scrubs.

Love you all.

* * *

Adam had been having an amazing dream. He was in a car, going nowhere. Driving but going nowhere, listening to music, the windows down letting in the most amazing breeze. He had nowhere to be, no one to report to, no obligations. It was as good as it could possibly get. Until something started ramming into his arm.

He closed his eyes tighter and tried to hold onto it, tried to turn the music up, but it kept hitting him, that horrible thing, whatever it was. He knew he was dreaming and he was losing it. He couldn't feel the breeze anymore. He was forgetting what song it had been…

"Not so great when it's your turn, huh?" The horrible thing spoke.

Adam rolled over. "Huh?" He squinted to see David smiling an awful, vicious smile. "What time…?"

"It's 10 a.m. Time to shop. Remember? I promised." He threw something on top of Adam. Adam looked down and saw that it was a pair of jeans. "Get dressed."

"I fucking hate you." Adam rolled over and put a pillow over his head. David ripped the blankets off of him, and then started a tug-of-war match over the pillow. "No…ergh…fuuuuck…give it back!"

David tossed the pillow across the room. "Up! Dressed!"

Adam ran his hands over his face and groaned. Eventually he managed to sit, and eventually stand long enough to put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "I gotta brush my teeth…" he grumbled on the way to the bathroom. When he left the bathroom David was already holding open the door. "Shoes…" David nodded to the floor next to him, where Adam's shoes and socks sat. He clumsily put them on while standing. As soon as he tied the last shoe, David nearly pushed him out of the apartment.

Maybe Adam would keep to himself after work after all.

By the time they arrived at the grocery store Adam had woken up a little bit. The lights were still too bright. He realized that it had been forever since he had been in florescent lighting.

"So? List?" David looked at him expectantly. "You forgot it?" He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes and Adam.

"I didn't forget it. I didn't make one." He saw the look that David was giving him. "What? I'm just here for the basics."

"Yeah? Like what?" Adam paused for a moment to think about it. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Do you even have money?"

"Of course I have money." Adam looked slightly insulted. David wasn't apologizing for anything, though.

"Come on, then. I'll help you learn what the basics actually are."

Adam knew for a fact that David was the type of guy who actually cooked himself dinner. Not the type of dinner that Adam could ever manage, either. Like, David had been known to make an Asian inspired 

pork dish including appropriate side options. Just because it was a Tuesday night. Adam had never lived like that. He was being fancy if he made himself toast.

"This is a basic. Actually, this is the most basic of basics."

"I wouldn't have a clue what to do with it."

"You boil water and put it in. Wait until it's soft. God, Adam, come on. Stop being so pitiful." David laughed at him as he threw several boxes of pasta into the shopping cart. "I'm not asking you to make your own sauce from tomatoes or anything. We'll grab some jars."

Adam shook his head. "Can't we just grab some Frosted Flakes or something? Milk?"

"We'll get both, calm the fuck down."

"You've gotten significantly more vulgar since knowing me," Adam pointed out.

David laughed. "How many people have you had to say that to in your life?"Adam tried his hardest to scowl at him and then moved on to sorting through the cart and making occasional comments on the impossibility of preparing them for himself. "How about we divide and conquer? You can grab your cereal and I'll be able to get some real things without you bitching."

"You're going to leave me here, aren't you?"

David nodded. "That was the plan. I don't know what I'll do now that you figured me out. Just find me when you're done."

Adam nodded and set off to navigate the store alone. He wasn't sure where the cereal actually was, but managed to stumble upon it pretty quickly. He figured he should grab a lot, because he wasn't convinced that he could actually create a meal on his own. Frosted Flakes. Cookie Crisp. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Froot Loops. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Adam reasoned. So it can't be bad to eat it all the time.

He wandered through the aisles some more, hugging the mass of boxes to his chest. He browsed the foreign food section, tempted to buy all of the funny looking packages he could find, but managed to avoid the urge due to the impossibility of carrying anything else. He slowly walked past the frozen food section, glaring accusingly at all of the easy, delicious food that David certainly wasn't going to allow him to buy. Stupid fucking instant French bread pizzas. Why must you look so delicious?

Just when he was starting to think that he really had been left there, he saw David standing at the end of one of the aisles. He walked to him, heaving the load of boxes into the surprisingly full shopping cart. David glanced at the boxes, and Adam was confused by the look on his face. Rather than making a comment about the number of boxes, he instead looked blushed and said nothing. Adam looked around and quickly found out why.

"Planning on having a big night soon?" Adam grinned, looking before them.

David glared at him, still red in the cheeks. "I have a life outside of taking care of you, you know."

"Magnum? Is this self flattery or the honest truth?" Adam couldn't stop smiling for the life of him.

"I will fucking kill you."

"Now now, sex is a natural thing, you needn't get all touchy now."

David nodded a little. "Yeah, exactly. So stop being an ass about i-"

"-'cause you'll be getting touchy later…"

David just shook his head. "Really? That's the best you could do?"

Adam nodded. "You woke me up early. I'm not in my prime. Anyway, who are you keeping hidden away in that apartment, nay, sex den of yours?"

"No one. Not like I can, what with you there all hours of the day and night."

Adam nodded, suddenly acting serious. "I always thought you might have a prostitute problem. You know, there are groups for that…" he had broken into a grin already. Keeping a straight face was not his forte. "No, seriously, what's up? I'm curious."

David shifted uncomfortably. "Okay, so, this guy I know from work is throwing a party for Halloween. It's kind of got a theme, and you need a partner for the theme, and I asked this girl who is kind of….it's so stupid. You're such a jerk."

"How am I a jerk? I'm not laughing at you yet. So, couples theme party. What's the theme?"

David grinned and looked at his feet. "CEOs and corporate hoes."

"You're serious?" David nodded. "Okay, well, uhh, I'm sure this girl is a gem, then."

"Shut up. She said she'd go on the condition that we could leave the moment it started getting lame."

"So you're not even attending? I'm kidding! So, this girl is kind of… what? You never finished the sentence."

"Kind of gorgeous, kind of amazing, kind of completely awe-inducing."

Adam nodded. "Right, so she's average but you're willing to work with that. Very good of you."

"So, you think I need these or not?"

"The magnums? I assume not. Condoms, yes."

"You are such a douche bag. Anyway, what about you? Are you planning on…" David looked at the shelf in front of them, rather than at Adam.

"Planning on what?" Adam looked at him, trying to understand.

David shifted. "Uhh, you know. You and Lawrence. You planning on…I mean, you said you've never done anything like this before. It takes different…equipment. Or something."

Adam was shocked at the thought of it. "Oh. Uhh, I don't…I don't know about that, man. That's a little…that's more than I've really thought about. You know? I don't even know how to touch that topic. Not really something in the cards right now."

David nodded. "Yeah, but if it's like any other sort of relationship it might be in the cards way before you expect it to be. Maybe you should be prepared. You know, just in case?"

Adam shook his head in confusion. "I don't know. I mean, is that weird? Having that stuff around when I don't know if either of us are even planning on heading that direction?"

"Not weird. Totally explainable. I'm just saying, it's easier to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it."

Adam nodded hesitantly. "You make way too much sense, man. I guess…well, what do I need to get?"

David laughed a little. "Come on, even I know the basics here. Something like this. Your basic water based lube. Not anything oil based, it's bad for…you know…stuff. And extra lubricated condoms. Because diseases are bad. I think that's it, really…" He scanned the shelf some more, casually tossing the other items into the cart.

"You are unbelievably causal about this. And curiously informed."

"Yeah, well, you may know someone's whole life story, but you never know them in the bedroom till you've been there."

"Calm, quiet little David? What unmentionable things have you done to women?"

David laughed. "I'm kidding about that. I just watch a lot of Sex Talk with Sue. Anal sex and straight couples isn't really suggested. You know, not really anything there for girls. I'm all about helping the other team make the first touchdown, and that's not the way to do it."

"You? A sports metaphor? I didn't see it coming."

"I love pretending to be manly standing here in the condom aisle. Let's move on before I get any plans to drink cheap beer and watch television all day."

Adam laughed as they walked away, the awkwardness of the moment passed. He was glad the moment had happened. He was happy to know that David wasn't asexual, but was a functioning member of human kind, and he was glad to know how he could actually kind of deal with thinking about sex for…Adam and Lawrence. Adam couldn't even think about that yet.

He tried to imagine what Lawrence was doing right then. Maybe playing with his daughter, maybe still asleep from the night before, maybe just stepping into the shower…

Okay, maybe, just maybe he would let the thought enter his mind.

But just for a minute.


	14. Being Blunt

I can has chapter? Yes.

Okay, two main points:

1) This chapter is so totally not what you were expecting. SHA-BAM! I do not bother with the whole gradual steps thing. That's not how things work, in my experience.

2) I was wondering if when you read a songfic you actually listen to the music. Because if so I TOTALLY want to write one. Srsly.

Enjoy. This chapter EXHAUSTED me to write and I thought about quitting a thousand times. I have to go sleep for years now.

* * *

Adam was pacing his apartment, arranging assorted objects on any surface he could find with no particular aim, occasionally wiping his hands across his jeans, darkening the fabric with sweat. Of course he had no reason to be nervous but it was impossible to convince his body of that.

He tried to read the newspaper that he had snatched from David's mailbox, but it seemed like it was taking an hour to read a sentence. Time was hobbling along and he really wished it would get a crutch. It could only be described as that strange feeling older kids got on Christmas Eve. At the ancient age of fifteen you should be able to easily sleep through the night, but time creeps and you find yourself lacking the ability to do anything but wait.

Adam hated waiting. He had spent his whole life waiting and he was fucking sick to death of it.

Finally, after what seemed like a hundred years, there was a knock at the door. David was at work, so there was no need to worry about false alarms. It was him.

"It's about time," Adam tried to say casually as he opened the door. Lawrence limped in and sighed heavily.

"Road work on the highway. Sorry to keep you waiting." He smiled slightly at the last part, a little apprehensive.

Adam couldn't help but feel a mix of fear and excitement to have Lawrence back in the apartment. He knew what they were doing was wrong. Not in the moral high horse sort of way but in the way that he didn't really know Lawrence that well. Despite all of the time spent together, spent doing…well, whatever, and the fact that Lawrence practically lived with him now, he still didn't know much about him. At yet, all of what was happening somehow felt so normal.

"So, how was your trip? How is Diana?" Adam asked, surprised by how genuine he was in his interest.

Lawrence smiled in remembrance as he sat down at the table, Adam sitting down across from him in the now familiar fashion. "Oh, she's great. Getting so old, though. I miss being there with her. Well, not that I ever really was that much, but still. Seeing her even less than before is hard."

Adam tried to understand the feeling of being separated from a child, but couldn't really fit his mind around the idea. "Yeah, I'm sure it's hard. You know, not being there with your kid." He thought about it some more, trying to really find something in him that could relate. He didn't even have a dog.

"You sound a little unsure about that," Lawrence grinned slightly, unsure of how to take it in. "Weren't close to your parents?"

Adam laughed. He couldn't even begin to explain this one. "Yeah, we aren't close."

"Aren't? They are living?" Lawrence looked genuinely shocked to discover this.

"Yeah. I mean, I guess. I haven't spoken to them ever since…God. Since I was twenty? I'm not sure anymore. It's not a big deal." He was pretty sure that he wasn't lying. He didn't feel bad about the situation anymore; he didn't even resent them anymore. Time really did heal wounds and his parents had been scarred right over. Lawrence slowly nodded his head, as though he had just learned some sort of important clue to Adam's being. Adam didn't want to dwell on the subject. Hell, Lawrence has just walked in the door and already it was the beginning of a therapy session. "So, what did you get to do?"

Lawrence lit up again, seemingly forgetting his concern over Adam's plight. "Oh, well, we got to go out to the zoo. She's been there a million times but she loves it. She wants to be a zoologist right now. I wanted to do that when I was her age to. It's so neat to see how much alike we are."

Adam didn't have the heart to mention how every little kid wanted to be a zoologist at some point. Lawrence looked happy being misty eyed over the animal-loving gene he had passed on and Adam didn't want to destroy it with cynicism. "Yeah, that's amazing. I just wanted to be an astronaut." What a lie. He had wanted to be an artist at that age, one of the other popular options. Adam seriously doubted his parents ever got giddy about passing on the finger painting gene.

Lawrence was off in his own little universe for a second, probably imagining Diana in scrubs, following exactly in his footsteps. Eventually he snapped out of it, eyes clearing the daydream from them. "So, how's it been here?"

Adam shrugged. "You know, normal. David and I went grocery shopping. He's bringing some girl over later this week that I'm supposed to meet." He grinned, remembering the conversation they had the day before. "Apparently she's his corporate ho."

Lawrence looked both amused and confused at once, and Adam launched into an explanation about the party David was attending. Lawrence really seemed to get a kick out of it, and Adam was very assuredly getting a kick out of retelling the situation. However, the end of the story resulted in a lull in the conversation that asked a lot of question.

Adam took a quiet deep breath, ready to ask what he had planned on asking. He wasn't sure if the approach was completely awful. He knew that it was tactless and far too direct, but he felt like he seriously needed to present the situation as though it weren't something to hide from themselves. He was sick of ebbing at it.

He cleared his throat a little and tried to sound as confident as possible. "So, you want to go to the bedroom? Make out or something?"

Lawrence looked like he was trying very hard not to look shocked. He cleared his throat a little. "Uh, yeah. That would be nice."

Adam nodded a little in agreement. "Yeah. Good." He stood up awkwardly, waiting for Lawrence, and they both walked to Adam's room, careful not to make eye contact. He threw himself onto the bed, scrambling to the sitting position to not seem too overtly sexual.

Lawrence looked at him, shyly grinning. "If we're going to do the bluntness thing, then let's do it, okay?" Adam nodded slightly, not quite understanding. "I just mean, if you're going to say 'let's make out' that's fine, but then we can't act like…well, this. If you're going to be blunt, be blunt. If not, play the coy card."

Adam nodded, embarrassment leaving him surprisingly quickly as he looked at Lawrence. It made sense, he guessed. Lust didn't leave room for much else. "Okay, we'll stick with being blunt. Here, I'll start. Shut the fuck up and get over here."

Lawrence smiled widely and made his way across the bed to where Adam was, and attempted to kiss him tentatively. Adam wasn't having it and pressed in, meeting tongues with Lawrence and pulling him down to the bed, no longer sitting but instead leaning over Lawrence.

"Good, much better," Lawrence grinned devilishly before Adam lunged in again, covering Lawrence's mouth with his own, pressing deeply inside with his tongue. Lawrence tasted familiar by this point, and he had missed it while he was gone. In moments he found himself on top of Lawrence, straddling him.

Things were getting more and more urgent as they went on. The kissing was more rapid, the breaths more shallow, their hands grabbing more desperately at one another. Lawrence ran his hands up Adam's sides, bringing his shirt with it. Adam quickly ripped it over his own head and roughly threw it to the side before returning to grasping Lawrence's face, trying to bring him closer so he could kiss him harder, so that he could be closer.

Lawrence ran his hands along Adam's back, relishing the feeling of his flesh. He reached down to pull off his own shirt, making Adam stop his attack for only a second as he pulled it over his head. Adam returned to the desperate scramble to taste Lawrence as much as possible but seemed grateful to have a new place to run his hands along Lawrence's skin. Lawrence tightly grasped Adam to him, pressing the two of them together and creating a feeling of intimacy the two didn't have much experience with.

As their hips began to rock against one another, it became increasingly obvious that they were going to have to release some other articles of clothing in order to get whatever it was that they were looking for. Somehow, in a way Adam couldn't even remember, their jeans were easily removed by a series of fumbling hands and kicking legs, leaving nothing between them but two thin layers of cotton. Adam could feel the pressure being applied to his erection by Lawrence's thigh, and knew that Lawrence was feeling the same thing from him.

Adam thought for a moment that maybe he should slow down, savor the feeling of the two of them being so close together, but as Lawrence pressed his thigh forward all of those thoughts fled his mind immediately as he ravaged Lawrence with more passionate kisses.

Things seemed to be happening in slow motion but at the same time so quickly that Adam didn't quite follow the series of events that made certain things happen. Just as he had missed the process of removing their jeans, he suddenly found himself being dominated by Lawrence, who had gained the position on top somehow. He didn't mind, of course, happy to have a chance to be given the attention rather than give it, and running his hands across Lawrence's back was certainly a plus. He grasped Lawrence's sides, lifting his hips closer, grinding himself into Lawrence's thigh, certainly not intending to groan the way that he did.

Lawrence made a noise that was half growl, half purr in response, and Adam felt him tugging lightly at the edges of his boxers. Knowing that Lawrence wasn't intending to take them off, Adam decided to call the bluff by raising his hips slightly, a blatant invitation to remove them. A fire of nerves lit in his chest when Lawrence responded positively, jerking them down, exposing Adam completely. Rather than pause to collect his thoughts, Adam buried them in more lust driven motions, continuing to press into Lawrence while kissing him. He was trying to lose the voice in his head that normally dictated what was rational. He wanted no thoughts to distract him as he kicked his boxers off the rest of the way.

Lawrence seemed to be burying his thoughts in lust as well, not letting up on the passion he was showing Adam. A series of fumbled motions had gotten them this far and as Adam effectively buried all of his concerns and apprehensions it was clear that more fumbled motions would get them further. He almost authoritatively began to remove Lawrence's own boxer-briefs, and Lawrence didn't seem to care at all, helping to get them out of the picture.

This time Adam didn't worry about nerves. They were gone, replaced by something primal inspired by Lawrence's lips tracing his collarbone. As Lawrence returned to his lips, Adam quickly and without a wary thought simply gasped "drawer" between kisses. He slid, along with Lawrence, across the bed, unwilling to part mouths and tongues with him.

Lawrence fumbled blindly for a second, trying to search without eyes, and then quickly broke away to see what he was reaching for; exactly what David had tossed into the cart the day before.

There was hardly no pause as Lawrence expertly retrieved a condom and tore the wrapper, returning to Adam's lips as he used one hand to put it on. He set the lube down beside the, on the bed, momentarily devoting all of his attention to running his hands down Adam's naked sides.

Eventually, after having his fill, he quickly opened the lube and spread it over himself carelessly, unconcerned about the sheets beneath them. He then spread some to Adam, effectively covering them both, settling between Adam's legs. Lawrence knew the necessary steps to accommodate himself inside of Adam. He should have used some sort of preparation, letting Adam get used to the feeling by using his fingers. It was obvious that neither of them were thinking about it, though. They were both desperately clawing, grunting with effort to feel that intense pleasure they both desired.

Lawrence semi-gently pushed himself against Adam, and Adam responded by pushing down, letting him enter slightly. The lube was seemingly doing its job, removing much of the pain that was supposed to accompany, and Adam briefly had the thought that maybe Lawrence had used a bit much. The thought quickly left, though, as Lawrence leaned over him, sweating, and kissed him hotly before thrusting in more. Adam groaned slightly, wincing, but feeling a desire he hadn't felt before.

Lawrence thrust several more times before his entire length was inside of Adam. Both were flushed and sweating, staring at one another as Lawrence slowly found a rhythm. Adam hadn't expected the feeling to be quite like this, but he didn't exactly have any complaints. There was a small amount of pain, some pressure, a tingle, and a compelling desire to feel more. Lawrence's thrusts became faster, and the room was quiet other than their occasional grunts of effort. Adam began feeling the warmth radiate from the spot that he assumed to be the one that was the target of Lawrence's efforts.

As both Adam and Lawrence became accustomed to the feeling, they slowly began to rediscover one another's lips, and kissing became an incorporated part of the act, however less urgent than before, as both often had to pause to gasp in pleasure or surprise.

Although he was in no hurry to get it over with, Adam didn't think that he had much of a hope of making it last longer. The warmth had turned to electricity that was pulsing through his entire body, making him press harder back into Lawrence's thrusts. Lawrence didn't seem like he would make it much longer either.

"Adam," Lawrence whispered breathlessly. The message that was possibly meant to follow was forgotten as Lawrence began to lose himself completely in the rhythm, eyes closing as the feeling took over his brain.

Adam would have liked to whisper Lawrence's name in a similar fashion, but had no option as he tried to control the volume of his moans. He allowed the pulse to overtake him, rippling through his body like nothing he had ever felt before. He began to tremble as it focused itself into his groin, and he groaned deeply as he came, spilling himself completely between the two of them in an orgasm he had never felt the likes of in his life. Lawrence followed close behind, quickening his pace, pressing his forehead to Adam's before lifting back to open his mouth for a noiseless groan that accompanied his own orgasm.

As they lay there side by side, Adam couldn't help but smirk at the thought of how unwitting he had been the day before as David had tossed the things into the cart. They had certainly skipped some steps and he wasn't sure what he felt about the whole situation. At the moment he was too exhausted to worry about it. Completely spent, the couple drifted off into sleep, not concerned in the slightest about the mess they had just caused.


	15. David's are Emerald

Short Chapter Alert

Remember that trip to Europe in mid July that I wanted to finish this story by? Well, I'm back from that trip. Ugh. And I am done traveling for about a month, so I have no excuses. This will be done extrememly soon, and chapters will be quick to come. I am sorry for all of the waiting I've been making you do. I will plan my fic writing times better in the future.

I'll be back soooooon! (Hopefully tomorrow night.)

* * *

Adam woke up suddenly and filled with the terror that he assumed was wholly animalistic in its intensity. This was the terror only instinct could provide, and he felt it long before he could think of any reason for it to be happening. He gathered his few thoughts and debated opening his eyes. Waking up with this feeling stuck in your stomach wasn't a good sign for the day to come but he couldn't seem to force himself back into sleep. So eyes open it was.

He was alone in bed and alone in the room. Normal, but wrong. He thought about it, fuzzy images darting around in his head, but nothing concrete. He shifted in discomfort and then he felt it…sticky and hardening on his chest, and suddenly the terror was back in full. He froze. Oh shit. Oh. Shit.

Adam didn't know how to react to the news he had just given himself. He hadn't been drunk, he hadn't been high, and he had no one to blame but himself. He couldn't tell if it was a bad sign or a good one, but Lawrence wasn't around so there was a pretty good chance it was the former.

"Uhh…Lawrence?" Adam called out, voice straining from just waking up and from being so suddenly, overwhelmingly dry. "Lawrence?" Nothing. Fuck.

Adam forced himself to get out of bed, pushing down the feeling enough to shower and dress, change the sheets, act like everything was exactly as it had been before. Lawrence was nowhere to be found in the apartment. Adam was having a hard time getting enough air. When someone opened the door without notice, he almost coughed up his own heart.

"Adam? Adam! Come on, man, come over to my place!"

Adam looked at David as though he was speaking Finnish. He shook his head in confusion. "What?"

"She's here. You have to meet her. She wants to meet you. Please?"

Adam nodded, not hearing him, but following him out of the room anyway. Upon walking into David's living room, Adam saw the girl he presumed to be the Corporate Ho of David's dreams. Adam may have joked about her being average before, but in person she was actually kind of…well, average. She was tall, not exactly skinny but not exactly fat either. She had the kind of green eyes that didn't really stand out, the ones mixed with too many brown and yellow hues to really be considered emerald. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, which revealed to Adam that she wasn't so endowed in the chest area, but had what he supposed would be considered a shapely ass. Her real redeeming quality was her hair, which was deep brown and long, spiraling down her back in loose curls. Adam himself could consider her attractive, if only for her hair.

It was kind of confusing to Adam, because David was so overtly attractive and could have scored any hot girl he had wanted, but the way he was looking at this girl, like he was mesmerized, it was both odd and endearing to Adam. He took a moment out of his terror issue to admire what was going on. But only a moment, before it all came sweeping back in.

"This is Emily. Emily, this is Adam." David said, almost nervously.

Emily smiled, revealing another of her good qualities. "I've heard a lot about you. Horrible, awful things, of course."

Adam laughed as best he could and nodded. "I'm sure. I've heard only the best about you, though." He should have made a joke back, but it wasn't coming to him easily.

Emily smiled again, this time a little bit weaker. David looked at him funny. "You…are you okay?"

Adam nodded, staring at the carpet. "No, I'm fine. I'm glad to meet you, Emily, but I kind of have to go." He started to walk away, and sensed David giving Emily a look. As he made his way to the door, David followed.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Adam tried to pull off a smile. "Nothing. I'm cool. She's great."

David shook his head a little, looking concerned. "No, come on, really, what's going on?"

Adam ran his hand over his face and sighed. "Lawrence is gone. I don't know where he is."

"Oh…no note or anything?" Adam shook his head. "That's weird. Did you two have a fight or something?"

"We had something, alright."

"Oh….Oh! Uh, so, you…uhh…yeah. I thought you said that wasn't even in the cards right now."

"It wasn't, and it probably shouldn't have been. Maybe. I don't know. I feel weird about it and well, he's gone, so…"

"Maybe he just had to think about some things. It's a big deal, you know. He'll be back. It's probably not as bad as you think."

Adam nodded, feeling slightly comforted by the idea that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. "Yeah, I guess. I dunno."

"Hey, all you can do is wait. No reason to torture yourself now."

"Yeah, that's true. Thanks. Sorry for seeming spaced in front of the girl."

David's eyes lit up. "Oh, Emily, so, what do you think?" He seemed excited all of a sudden. "Isn't she great?"

Adam couldn't help but smile a huge smile at David's behavior. "Yeah, David, she's about as good as they come." It wasn't a lie. If David was that excited about her, she really did have to be something special. "I'm going to go try to sleep through some of this anticipation. Tell her I said I'm sorry and we'll re-meet some other time."

David grinned and nodded, and headed back down to the room as Adam went back to his own apartment, feeling much better.

Still, eventually Lawrence would have to come back, and Adam had no idea what the ensuing conversation would be like. He sighed deeply as he threw himself onto his bed, trying to push it from his mind, hoping that feeling of terror wouldn't haunt him for long.


	16. Feeling Faint

This didn't even take until tonight, I got it done when I woke up. Yaaay for me! It's another short one, I am sorry, but these sort of need to be short. The next one shouldn't be, so no worries if you like to spend long amounts of time reading.

If you ever wondered, yes, I do have the floor plans of both David and Adam's apartments completely visualized.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter. Love to you all.

* * *

Adam had never looked at Lawrence the way that he did as Lawrence walked through the door into his apartment again. Adam had been wasting time in the kitchen for the past few hours, trying to read, looking at bills, attempting to not get sweaty palms. The moment he heard the brass of the doorknob moving, he looked down the hall to the door and froze in anticipation. Lawrence slowly opened the door, stepped in and closed it behind him without a word. Although Adam had never really thought about what Lawrence looked like, or whether or not he found him attractive, suddenly he was flooded with the feelings of desire. Everything, his hair, his eyes, his build, everything was suddenly glaringly beautiful to Adam. He stared at Lawrence, confused about why he hadn't noticed all of it before.

It was at that moment that Adam knew how invested he had become in this. At the same time it made everything both much less scary and a dozen times more horrifying.

Adam felt his cheeks redden. "Hey." It was just loud enough that it couldn't be called a whisper. His eyes darted from the floor to Lawrence several times over. Adam could not seem to stop looking at him.

Lawrence looked grim, Adam thought. It wasn't a good sign, that was for sure. "I…uhh…I just went…" he faded out, not actually saying where he went. Adam didn't really care where he had been, only what he had been thinking.

Adam shifted uncomfortably. "Want to, uhh, go in here?" He nodded towards the living room. Lawrence nodded and followed behind as Adam went to sit on the couch. Lawrence chose the chair. Not unusual, exactly, but did it mean something? Adam was examining everything. "So…"

Lawrence nodded slightly, almost as though at his own thoughts. "Yeah…"

Adam bit his lip. He was getting the worst headache from all of the thinking. "We gotta say something, Lawrence. I don't know what's happening."

"I don't know either, Adam." Lawrence looked up at him. "I thought about you for a year, you know? Just wondering what was going on with you. Thinking about…you know. How we met." He shook his head. "I still can't look at you without thinking about it."

Adam's face fell. There always seemed to be an unwritten rule that they didn't talk about it, and that worked for him. He didn't want to think about it. Of course Lawrence always reminded him of that day, so why did hearing those words shock him?

He realized, slowly, that it was because today was the first time that he hadn't been reminded when he looked at Lawrence. The memory had been replaced. He couldn't reply to Lawrence's comments, too busy thinking about what that must mean.

"I mean, I remember everything. I cared so much about what would happen to you, Adam. But I was still willing to try and…I mean, I know it's not exactly my fault. I know all about…blood loss…and its effects, but still; it's one of those things you can't shake. I look at you and I think of what I tried to do to you."

Adam laughed a little over the pounding in his head. "I guess a year isn't long enough to clean up all of the skeletons, huh?"

Lawrence looked at him questioningly. "I never understand how you can joke about it. I mean, you just seem so…over it. These aren't skeletons in the closet. This is the fucking man under the bed. It's always grabbing my ankles when I try to get away."

Adam nodded, feeling a little faint. His headache was getting worse. "I know. I just don't see the use in being afraid anymore. I've lived my life afraid, you know? I'm so over being afraid. And anyway, it's not exactly the sort of thing that happens twice."

"Adam, I live with it every day. I'm always reminded of it. I can't take a single step without remembering what I had to do. Mentally I will never be the same. But physically…it's never going to be like it was. I'm always going to have the real scars to bear."

Adam was feeling chills and he couldn't decide if it was the topic or the room. "Yeah…I can't imagine what…what you must…it has to be awful. But I can't imagine."

Lawrence looked at him funny. "Adam, you're shaking. Do you need to…lie down or something?"

Adam shook his head. "No, I'm just a little cold. I'm fine."

Lawrence's eyes were suddenly huge. He looked Adam over quickly, almost fearfully. "You're sweating, Adam. You shouldn't be cold." He reached forward to Adam's head. "Holy fuck, Adam, we need to get you to a hospital."

"What…?" Adam was trying to ask, but Lawrence was gone. The room was spinning. He couldn't really understand what David was doing in his apartment. Lawrence was back, too. He was being lifted…he felt like he was floating.

"Stay awake, Adam, you'll be okay…" Lawrence's voice was the last thing he heard before everything went black.


	17. Speaking Softly

Can't...manage...authors...note...too...tired...

Enjoy this chapter, please. The next will be probably the second to last.

I make no promises, though.

I love you all

And my bed.

* * *

"He had a _what?_"

David stared, wild eyed, at the doctor in the room. He had been sitting in Adam's hospital room for several hours, watching him carefully as he slept the medicated sleep of the sick. Lawrence had just stepped out for a few minutes to grab them some coffee, his first real time speaking with Lawrence under the worst of conditions.

"A stroke."

The doctor was obviously high and needed to be punched. Normal, healthy, young people do not have strokes. "What the fuck are you talking about?" David asked, sounding angrier than he had in a long time.

"Adam has Endocarditis, which is basically an infection of the heart and surrounding valves. It has caused him to develop Atrial Fibrillation, or an abnormal heart rhythm, which left untreated as it has been causes stroke."

David gaped stupidly at him, trying to gather enough words to respond. "I just don't…what is this from? I mean, how did this happen?"

The doctor shifted uneasily. "Endocarditis can be caused by many things. It is most often caused genetically, something one is prone to at birth…"

He spoke in a suspicious way that David didn't buy. "You need to tell me the truth. I mean, I'm not family on paper, but trust me, I'm what he's got. I am his family as far as it concerns you."

The doctor sighed. "Anything I tell you will violate patient privilege rights. Mr. Faulkner has been my patient before and any information that I gained then remains confidential."

"I know that he's been here before. I was the one that brought him. Come on, what the fuck is this all about?" David pleaded with him but the doctor just looked at him, seemingly apologetic.

Luckily it was at that point that Lawrence entered the room again. He looked from the doctor to David and tried to read the scene. "What's going on? Is he okay?" He handed David a coffee as he looked to the doctor for a response.

David put his head in his hands. "He had a stroke, but he won't tell us why."

The doctor sighed. "I tried to explain as best I can, but I cannot tell you confidential patient details."

Lawrence shook his head, confused. "So, we can't know what caused the stroke at all? Listen, I've been practicing medicine for a long time and I'm pretty fucking sure that there's nothing wrong with telling us what the stroke was from."

The doctor nodded. "Right, right. I told David here that it stemmed from Endocarditis, which caused Atrial Fibrillation that went unnoticed."

"It went unnoticed? And how long ago was he here?" Lawrence glared at him. "Endocarditis should have been caught with a fucking stethoscope."

"I understand that you are both upset but I need you to calm down. I cannot give you any more details about Adam until he wakes up." With that the doctor left the room, leaving David confused and Lawrence livid.

"So…what do we do?" David asked Lawrence.

Lawrence looked at him, softening his expression as he saw how concerned and lost David was. "Well, we wait until he wakes up, I suppose."

"But…how did this happen? He said it's almost always a birth defect, but…he said it weird. Like he was just bullshitting me."

Lawrence nodded. "Well, it is mostly caused by some disorder at birth, but in Adam's case it probably isn't. That's why he can't tell us about it. He doesn't want us to know anything we shouldn't know."

David was even more confused by that. "What does that mean? What shouldn't we know?"

"It has a few other causes. Certain surgeries put you at risk, certain diseases…" Lawrence looked at David and tapped two fingers against the crook of his own outstretched arm.

David's eyes widened. "Oh God…was he…was this…he had been using again?"

Lawrence shook his head. "No, no, I don't have any reason to think so. This is probably just a delayed effect. A chain reaction from when he was."

David looked shocked and a little angry. "So, back when he wanted to die. And now he wants to live. What an unintentional suicide this would be."

"Don't say that. He's going to be fine."

"You sure about that, doctor?"

Lawrence nodded. "I'm sure. I think we've all got too much left to say to him for it to end badly." He smiled at David and David smiled back, a little confused by the insight Lawrence seemed to have.

The two of them waited for another two hours before they heard any news. David shifted impatiently, scared the whole time. Lawrence knew enough that waiting meant nothing, only that hospitals were inefficient at keeping people updated. Still, he worried what Adam might be facing. A stoke was a big deal. It meant loss of function in limbs, speech, and ease of everyday tasks. It could mean all or nothing along those lines. The doctor in him was in overdrive, kicking his other thoughts to the curb. The only question was how Adam was going to be when he woke up.

Eventually a doctor came out to see them, a different one than the usual. "Mr. Faulkner is awake and would like to see you both."

Both David and Lawrence jumped up. "Well, how is he?" David asked, staring at the new guy. "Is he okay? Can he talk alright? Can he walk?"

The doctor nodded his head. "His speech function is nearly perfect and he feels a small loss of sensation to his left arm and hand, however it is not significant and is expected to return to full function. He is a little disorientated and we are watching for signs of neglect and aphasia."

David looked questioningly at Lawrence. "Neglect is forgetting that parts of your body belong to you. Aphasia has to do with problems communicating." He whispered the answers to David, and then spoke to the doctor. "And emotional lability?" To David he explained once again, "Difficulty regulating emotions."

"Yes, that is of course another factor we must watch for."

Lawrence rolled his eyes. It was obvious to David that he was very critical of those in his former field and must have been hard to work with in the past. He was, however, grateful for the information Lawrence could supply.

They entered a small, private room where Adam lay, feeble looking, on a hospital bed. He turned to them and smiled softly as they entered. "Hey" he said after a moment, quietly.

Lawrence smiled in relief just having heard his voice. David looked like he was going to either kill Adam or hug him and couldn't decide which.

"You're…feeling okay, then?" David asked awkwardly.

Adam nodded slowly. "A little…fuzzy. Okay." He speech was normal, albeit slower than usual. It was as though he had to think a little more carefully for his words.

"Good, because the moment you get out of here I'm going to fucking kill you." David tried to look angry but couldn't help but smile in relief.

Adam smiled and laughed a little, looking tired but genuinely glad that David never gave a pity party. "Understood," he managed through his smile. "Lawrence…" he looked at him with an unclear expression. "Sorry I ruined our talk."

Lawrence shook his head and smiled. "I'm pretty sure it can wait a little while. Just…in case you weren't sure, I'm in. You know. For the whole thing."

Adam looked a little confused. "You're in for the big show, you mean?" Lawrence nodded. "Yeah, I'm in too."

David shook his head. "You two are so weird. Can you say anything to one another without it being hidden?"

"Hey, give us time," Adam said softly. David had never heard him speak so carefully, and even if it was just a side effect, it had a huge effect on the way his words were taken.

Lawrence nodded. "We still have a lot of shit. Give us time."

David smiled. "Well, clearly one of you is a ticking time bomb, so don't make it too long."

They all laughed softly, Adam's tone infectious. It felt as though something was clicking together right there in that room, and Adam couldn't wait to see if it was a fit that would last.


	18. Missing Words

We're almost done! Oh nooooo!

Not quite yet, though. But ohmigawsh, just to give you something about the end to look forword to, I am currently working on a gift to all of you. I'm actually really excited about it. It's just a little piece of thanks that I think all of you will enjoy. Not until we're done here, though.

Enjoy this connective chapter that despite my wishes had to exist. More to come very soon :-)

* * *

Adam hated hospitals. He always had and figured that he always would. The last time he was there he had to make the decision between life and death. Before that visit he had been there after someone else had tried to make that decision for him. Hospitals were full of horrible memories.

It seemed so long ago that he had been sent here after "the incident." It had been over a year, nearing the year and a half marker, which in general terms wasn't that much distance between the current situation and almost being murdered. Adam was pretty certain that there could never be enough time between those two things, but still, it felt like lifetimes ago.

He didn't remember coming in, there was no way he could have. He was long gone from consciousness by the time help arrived, his life hanging loosely onto him like an oversized t-shirt. He didn't wake up until days later and it was bad. Everything hurt, his ankle, his shoulder, his head, his hands, everything. A lot of the injuries he couldn't even remember getting. He was somehow missing almost every single fingernail. He never asked how it had happened, figuring the obvious was correct. He didn't need some nurse explaining to him that he had tried to claw his way out of the cement walls, all the time thinking he was deranged and horrifying. Assuming was good enough for him. Even the last time he was there he couldn't look at any of the nurses. They seemed to be pretty bad at hiding disgust. People who deal with those who don't want to die dying tend to think less of those giving up what they have on purpose.

Luckily now the nurses weren't horrified or disgusted by him. It seemed that in physical therapy everyone was on your side. Everyone was smiling and telling you how well you were doing, how positive you were being, how speedy your recovery was going. Adam couldn't find the energy to be cynical towards it all. The stroke had left him exhausted both mentally and physically. Even if he wanted to be a jerk it would be harder than before. Words were still taking a moment to come to him and he had to speak so carefully as to make sure it all came out right. Sarcasm didn't work when it had to be done so slowly.

Luckily he didn't have to deal with the huge utensils or giant markers, he wasn't that bad off. He was doing more tedious things, such as picking up individual paperclips. While a normal person could rapidly pick them up and hold them with the same hand, he had to use two. It was hard to imagine the process of shifting them into his palm and using two fingers to continue picking them up…even the image of that happening was gone from his head. But he persisted.

David was always at his side encouraging him or providing him with words he couldn't seem to remember. It wasn't that Lawrence wasn't there…he was technically in the same building at all times. However most of that time was spent in another room questioning the doctors about their plans or chastising them on their methods. David couldn't deal with hospital staff and Lawrence had a hard time watching Adam suffer, so the two found their roles easily, both doing what they could do best to help Adam.

"Hey, that's great." David was sitting next to Adam, watching him struggle with some small beads on the table. "Now when your bracelets break you'll be able to gather the beads all by yourself."

Adam laughed. "I'm crippled. Be nice."

David rolled his eyes and sighed loudly at the statement. He had easily learned that the last thing that Adam needed was him being serious all the time. That would just have made everything worse. "Sorry, it's not International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day just yet."

"Let me know when that is, because I should get a…a celebration in my honor."

David tilted his head, questioning. "What word are you missing? I'm guessing parade, but that could be wrong."

Adam shook his head. "No, it was parade. Thanks."

David just smiled. "Yeah, no problem. I'm sure they'll give you one. They'll need to widen the streets to fit the float carrying your pity party through."

They both laughed, continuing to make fun of one another, David aiding in Adam's jabs towards himself by providing the odd forgotten word. They hardly noticed the nurse who had walked into the room behind them. "Mr. Faulkner?"

They both jumped a little, startled. "Uh, yeah?"

She walked towards him and began to clear the beads off of the tray in front of him. "We're going to be discharging you within the next few hours. You'll of course have to return for your therapy, but you are stable enough to return home. Do you have a way to get to and from the hospital?"

"Yeah," he answered, looking at the nurse oddly. "This seems…sudden. No one said anything to me about going home."

She nodded. "Yes, there was some discussion amongst the doctors though, and Dr. Gordon has ensured us that you are ready to leave and will be in the best of care at your own home." She smiled oddly at the two of them and left the room.

Both Adam and David laughed at that news. "I suppose that's great news. I just wish I could go back to work. I kind of miss being productive."

"You're not losing your job over this, are you?" David was suddenly concerned.

Adam shook his head. "No, but I'll have to be gone for a while. It sucks. They need part time workers constantly, so they'll take me whenever they can get me."

David nodded, content with that information. He looked over to the doorway as Lawrence appeared in the doorway for the first time in several hours. "Look who's back." He smiled.

Lawrence grinned, obviously happy with himself. "We're going home, boys."

Going home really was a blessing to Adam. He felt so much more comfortable lying down in his own bed, Lawrence and David sitting in the living room rather than in uncomfortable chairs next to him. Occasionally they would walk in to check on him, knowing any real risk was gone, just wanting the 

comfort of seeing him breathing regularly. Eventually Adam was able to convince them to get some sleep. David only agreed to go back to his own apartment for a few hours after Adam told him he looked like hell and needed to get some real sleep, not just couch sleep.

Slightly nervously, rather than going to the extra room, Lawrence slipped into bed next to Adam. "Do you mind if…?"

Adam shook his head, grinning slightly. "Hey, you said that you were in. I assume that includes 'in the bed' as well." Lawrence nodded sleepily. Adam scooted over closer to him, laying his head on Lawrence's shoulder. "Good. Anything you want to get out there before you seep for a hundred years?"

Lawrence shifted so he could be closer to Adam, an almost instinctual move in the state that he was in. "I was trying to explain to you that it was hard. You know, when it happened…when we were talking. It's hard for me to…stop thinking about it. Now. But I think it'll go away. I wanted to tell you that I was ready to try it." He yawned and paused for a moment. "I don't want you thinking I was trying to leave you. Like I said, I'm in this." He leaned down and kissed Adam on the top of his head. "More later. Now, sleep."

Adam laughed. "Yes, please get some sleep. I'm sick of living with zombies. We have plenty of time when you wake up. We'll work it all out then."


	19. Content

So this is "technically" the last chapter, but stay tuned for the epilogue and a special parting gift just for you guys. Trust me, you will love it. Hopefully.

Sorry about the wait, I turned in my 2 weeks at work and they have decided that since I'm only there for two more weeks, they can abuse me all they want. And so they did.

Anyway, please enjoy. I just wanted it to be kind of well rounded and represent a life that would make Adam happy, as he was the main focus. More to come in the epilogue. Yaaay!

Kisses.

* * *

"Are you making eggs?" Lawrence walked into the kitchen, scratching sleep out of his eyes from the long night. "It smells like eggs."

Adam turned to look at him and smiled. "Yes, eggs. How do you like yours?"

"Over hard."

Adam arched an eyebrow. "You serious?" Lawrence nodded and Adam turned back around to the stove. "You do seem like the type to fear raw food."

Lawrence nodded. "Yeah, not a fan of e-coli or salmonella, sorry."

"Or the amazing miracle from Jesus that is the sunny side up egg."

"Diana eats them like that. She calls them dippy eggs. It's disgusting, but she loves it."

"So…when do you plan on going back to see her? You know, it's been a while since you went last."

Lawrence nodded again, pausing to gather the courage to ask what he had been thinking. "Yeah, well, I was wondering if maybe…she could stay here. For like, a weekend or something."

Adam turned around to look at him. "You serious?"

"If it's, you know, too much or weird or something it's fine, It was just an idea I was tossing around in my head."

"Well, for starters, we'd have to clean this dump up some more." Adam laughed. "But yeah, that would be cool."Lawrence smiled widely at Adam's acceptance of the plan, happy that he would have a longer amount of time to spend with his daughter. "So…" Adam shifted a little uncomfortably. "Does that mean you want to, you know, move in. Like, your stuff and everything?" He turned around and made a quick save by sliding his eggs out of the pan and onto a plate before they started burning.

Lawrence looked at the back of Adam's head, wishing he could see his face. "Are you sure that would be okay?"

Adam sighed and put down the frying pan, clicking off the gas on the stove. He turned around and walked a little closer to where Lawrence was standing. "Yes. I'm positive. I mean, we're doing this, right? We're doing this whole fucked up family thing?"

Lawrence laughed lightly. "I don't know that I'd call it fucked up…"

Adam grinned. "Yeah, uh, come on. I mean, we're going to do this whole thing. Like a…you know…"

"Forget a word?" Lawrence looked suddenly concerned.

Adam laughed it off. "No, fuck, I was just being awkward. Relationship. You and I are in a relationship. Like, hey honey, I'm home. It's a little fucked up, seeing as neither of us are really old pros at being…you 

know…oh god, I hate this. I can't pause awkwardly anymore or someone just thinks it's my damaged brain. Gay. Neither of us really ever thought about being gay."

"That's true," Lawrence said through his laughter at Adam's frustration. "But, yeah. We're doing it. Because I guess we both know that's what feel right. I mean, I know that…"

Adam grinned. "See, you get to do it. Pauses are so necessary."

Lawrence shrugged. "Yeah, I guess they are. But, but I want to say is…I know that…I…"

"Come on, even I know this one. Just say it. 'Cause I'm going to have to say it back and you're just making it take that much longer for me." Lawrence looked at him sideways, mildly confused. "Come on, you fucking idiot. It's not really some sort of secret at this point. I love you. It's fucking weird and confusing and I need to work on not feeling strange about it, but I love you."

Lawrence shook his head. "I was just going to say I know that I really don't think those eggs are done enough."

"You jerk." Adam punched Lawrence playfully in the shoulder.

Lawrence broke out into laughter. "Okay, sorry, kidding. I love you too. And it's weird for me too, but it's true and we need to get better at it. So, can I kiss you before I have to pour bleach in your mouth for ingesting raw egg?"

Adam grinned. "I guess that would be okay."

Lawrence leaned forward and kissed Adam softly, a kiss that spoke so much more clearly than their previous confusing encounters. This kiss was warm and welcoming and blatantly spelled out their love for one another in a clearer way than ever before.

In the following weeks Adam's speech therapy helped him enormously, as did his physical therapy. He was more hesitant to admit the latter, however, happy being able to render pity from both David and Lawrence whenever the situation called for it. Adam and Lawrence had both decided to wait to move Lawrence's things in until the apartment was actually completely clean. Adam even continued going to work, much to David's dismay.

"David David David David David." Adam's chanting voice was accompanied by the sounds of him pounding on the apartment door. "David David David David Dav-" David threw open the door and stood in his doorway looking extremely irritated and disheveled. "Hey, did you know that you locked your door?" Adam asked as he began to walk past David. There was a small struggle, during which David refused to move his arm to let Adam through, but Adam acted oblivious and just kept walking after he had managed past.

David shut the door behind him and headed towards his living room where Adam already sat perched on the arm chair with a lamp turned on. He sprawled out across the couch and groaned into a pillow. "What time is it? Never mind. Don't even answer that."

Adam shrugged. "No watch, dunno."

David sighed and shook his head. "So, what's going on?"

Adam grinned widely. "I got a promotion."

"Oh? What do you do now? Load two machines instead of one?"

"Shut up. No, I supervise the inserters." He frowned for a second, in thought. "Why was your door locked?"

"Because I was sleeping and knew you were working and I just so happen to work tomorrow."

"Well you've never done it before, so I don't like it. Please stop. I am your crippled best friend and I might need your assistance in the night. I could die in the hallway."

"Adam, you're fine. You punched me with your allegedly bad arm yesterday. And it fucking hurt. Stop faking it."

Adam continued frowning. "But you're more worried about me than I ever am about myself…something isn't right here, David. Something isn't right at all. What's going on here?"

"Nothing."

"You're mighty shifty eyed this evening, mister David. " Adam broke into a grin. "Wait a minute! Wait! You've got someone here!" David just put a pillow back over his face and groaned loudly again. "You've got a lady here! Where is she? Is it Emily? It is, isn't it? Emily!"

Adam started calling for Emily and quickly earned himself a fist in his gut from David. "Shut up! She's sleeping!"

Adam laughed hysterically. "Oh my god! I was right! Fucking great! I love it. Now that you're getting laid will you please, please stop being so lame all of the time?"

"Please go home, Adam," David groaned loudly.

"Are you serious? I am crippled."

David stood, walking towards the door hoping that Adam would get the point. "Now that I'm getting laid will you please stay at home with your boyfriend when you get home from work?"

"But I'd miss you too much."

David pushed Adam out of the door and into the hallways. "Please, visit during my office hours." He slammed the door behind him, leaving Adam to go back to his own apartment. When he opened the door, Lawrence was standing there looking tired.

"You're up!"

Lawrence nodded. "I thought someone was hunting you down with an axe with you screaming at his door like that."

Adam laughed. "Nope, just needed to make sure he knew about my promotion right away. If I don't annoy him like this at least twice a week I think he gets lonely."

"Promotion?"

"Promotion! I get 13 an hour now!"

Lawrence laughed. "Wow! Big time!"

Adam slapped him across the chest. "Shut up. It's better than nothing."

"I suppose that much is true. Can we go to bed now?"

Adam nodded happily. "We sure can!"

"Don't sound so excited. I'm exhausted."

Adam snaked an arm around Lawrence's waist and pulled him closer. He nipped playfully at the nape of his neck and reached his hand down to rub against Lawrence's thigh. "You sure?"

Lawrence smiled into the dark room, putting his arms around Adam. "I'm pretty sure."

Adam walked Lawrence slowly backwards towards their room. "How sure?" He licked Lawrence's earlobe and massaged his back slowly.

"Well, I mean, fairly sure. Open to persuasion, though."

As they reached the bed and fell backwards onto the sheets, Adam smiled, for once content with not only the situation, but his entire life. Everything seemed perfect. He whispered into Lawrence's ear, "I'm sure I can make you an offer you can't refuse."

He was right.


	20. Epilogue

Hello everyone!

This is the Epilogue, the absolute last you will hear of this tale of the boys. It's been way fun writing for you and you have totally made this fanfiction worth working on. Sorry it took a while in spots. I am really thankful that you've stuck with me and enjoyed your reading.

Now now now, there is a chapter AFTER this one that is a disconnected story. I was considering making it another fanfic entry all together, but seeing as it's completely only for you guys, I'm attaching it to this story. It is your gift and I hope you enjoy it and don't kill me :-D

Enjoy. I love you all. Lots.

* * *

"I think I want to work for the mob."

David rolled his eyes without taking his eyes away from the television. "I think you're retarded."

Adam scowled and looked to Lawrence for support. "I could do it, right? I mean, I can keep a secret. And I can be intimidating…"

Lawrence glanced briefly at Adam before returning to watching the movie. "Adam, please." He didn't even bother to put emotion into it.

Adam huffed unhappily at their unanimous decision. "Well, you'll be sorry when I break your knee caps."

"Will we ever," David grinned, still not giving Adam the satisfaction of being looked at. It was becoming enormously evident that they would never be able to watch another mob movie with Adam again. Well, hell, if they watched a movie about beauty queens he'd probably want to be one of them too. Adam was so enticed by anything he saw on screen.

"Dad?" A small voice was coming from the second bedroom. "Dad?"

Lawrence seemed unfazed. Adam nudged him. "Uhh, Lawrence? Diana?"

"Huh? Oh! Yes, Diana?" He exclaimed, seeming to have suddenly registered her calls.

Diana walked over to the three men on the couch, looking a little shy. "Dad? I can't sleep."

Lawrence nodded, scooting over on the couch. "Want to stay up with us for a little while?" Diana nodded and hopped onto the open seat.

"Awesome," David looked relieved that she was there. "We need another vote. Adam thinks it would be cool to be in the mafia. What do you think?"

Diana thought about it for a second and scrunched up her nose. "You'd have to, like, kill people and stuff." Adam genuinely looked as though he hadn't thought of it. "Yeah, that sounds stupid."

"Wise girl," Lawrence nodded.

"Yeah, I'm glad we have another person in the room smart enough to tell fantasy from reality, huh Diana?" Diana smiled, a little nervous, but happy to be there.

"All of you are horrible. Yeah, you too," he shot a mock angry glare at Diana, making her giggle.

Diana had started visiting the apartment for weekends a month before. She stayed in the guest bedroom, where she also kept some of her belongings. It was in the plans that she would stay longer, but none of them knew how long it would take until the final plans were etched out. She seemed to enjoy it though, and obviously had a crush on David, which annoyed Adam to no end. She also seemed to understand the relationship between Adam and Lawrence more than anyone would have imagined.

Adam continued working for the local paper, a job which he loved, and Lawrence had begun looking for work in local hospitals, something that would hopefully be a little less heavy duty than he had before. Adam had still never bothered to ask David what he did for a living, only knowing it as "something in an office", but whatever it was, David was still working at it. Emily came around quite often and Adam was growing very fond of her despite their odd first encounter.

Sometimes Adam wondered how it all came to this, and then when he thinks back at the chain of events and how horrible everything was along the way, he wondered if he would ever change any of it. It scared him to think that he probably wouldn't change a damn thing. It was so destructive, and yet, it ended in a way that he couldn't have even imagined. A way that he loved.

"Hey, Diana, how about this? We both join the mob right now, and only mobsters get to eat ice cream after midnight?" Adam raised his eyebrows at the girl.

She considered for just a moment before her decision. "I think that the mob is a great idea. Dad, I'm in the mob. Sorry."

Lawrence shook his head as Adam and Diana left the room, headed happily towards the kitchen. "I mean, I guess he's good at bribery. That's a good characteristic for their field."

David nodded. "Yeah, it's a good sign. Just hope she never becomes a cop. I have a feeling that a few cookies and she'd be right there on his side."

"You know we can hear you!" Diana shouted from the kitchen.

"I was hoping!" David yelled back, laughing.

"Don't worry," Lawrence and David heard Adam whispering to her in the kitchen. "We'll put their fingers in warm water while they're sleeping."

"What's that do?" Diana whispered back.

"Well, you see, it's what all of the mobsters do. It…"

Adam trailed off into an explanation, unaware that he was ensuring Diana as his side kick for many years to come.


	21. BONUS: Something to do with my Hands

Hello my favorites. This is just for you.

This chapter is a story in itself, totally AU, and not some sort of alternate perspective or future or anything, you needn't worry.

The song used is by Her Space Holiday, and it is entitled "Something to do with my Hands."

I hope you enjoy it. I will see you all around the fanfiction universe, probably during some chainshipping. KISSES!

* * *

Adam was always barging into my apartment uninvited. It was expected and had been since we first met. It wasn't exactly odd to see him sitting on my couch when I woke up, watching television, bored because Lawrence was at work. He was like a child and needed constant attention and I guess I've always liked being around people who needed me. We were both weak and just needed different outlets to take care of it. I hated the weight he had to carry around with him.

_You know it kills me to see such a pretty face so tired,  
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile  
Forget all those places that you've never really been  
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in._

Sometimes, though, I knew it was different. He came in and didn't launch into some story about his job or Lawrence or something he saw on television. Most times he came with something to say, something to laugh about, so when he just stood in the doorway with a strange look on his face, silent, I knew. He needed more than to talk sometimes. And that's when he needed me most and when I couldn't back down. I had signed up for it all when I first found him there on his apartment floor. I took away his ability to choose death as an easy way out, and thus I found myself indebted to make the life I was forcing him to live worth living. Most times I was glad he held me to this silent agreement that I owed him. It was good to have him close just to feel him breathe. Just to be sure.

_Let your body sink into me, like your favorite memory  
Like a line of poetry or a fucking fit of honesty._

It was never anything too complicated that he wanted from me. It was enough that looking at Emily was hard sometimes. Looking at Lawrence wasn't as bad, for some reason. I guess I just felt that it was his fault that Adam was with me to begin with. He should have been well aware that it took so much attention to keep Adam happy. Hell, to just keep him from breaking down. I just tried to keep him calm when the memories were too much. It sometimes occurred to me that Lawrence probably knew about these visits, he had to recognize that it happened. It was most likely just something that he couldn't handle. He knew Adam loved him. It was probable that he also knew that Adam sometimes needed me.

_Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints  
So your boyfriend has no clue of how much I've been touching you._

It wasn't that the only reason I allowed these things to happen was the way that I was indebted to him. I guess there was always something about him that made me wonder. Something about him made it hard to understand my feelings. Every time I was convinced it was nothing he would flash me that crooked smile and I would have to look away, left to dwell on it even longer. I wanted so badly to have the time to figure it out but I never did, what with Lawrence showing up so soon. It was just left to hang in the air, making me question everything that he did. Why his hands were brushing mine, why he walked past me when he could have gone the other way, why he always came to me when something was wrong.

_My problem with me is my problem with you  
It doesn't take much for me to come unglued_

The first time he came to me I was confused. He stood in my doorway, hair as disheveled as ever, an odd look in his eyes. He said that he needed me and I just nodded and stepped aside to let him in. In a way I was afraid of what he was asking for and in a way I was so relieved that the comfort he needed was at least something I could provide. He needed someone who didn't completely understand his pain. I think that was what was wrong. He couldn't look for comfort and guidance from someone who had been through the same darkest hour has his own. He needed to be touched by someone who had never been so bruised. To him, I suppose, I was pure. My life has been safe and he wanted to feel closer to it.

_You know it saves me to think even for a little while  
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on  
Like in that movie theatre when you whispered in my ear  
"I almost didn't make it, this has been my hardest year."_

It got to the point that I was jealous when he went home, of course. I shouldn't have been but I was, and my jealousy only made me feel guilt. What an emotional wreck it was to know Adam. I loved Emily and I loved him and I was in a perpetual state of jealousy and guilt. If only…I don't know. So many things could have been different under so many conditions. How many of them would have worked? How many of them would have kept us that close? All I wanted was to know that he was safe. I suppressed my feelings and took advantage of the reality in every way I could. He still came to me. It all counted for something. None of it mattered as long as I could see to it that he was happy.

_I don't care where you move, I don't care if it's far  
All that I ask is that I know where you are  
In case our timing is right, in case you need more from me  
Than a bit of advice and a tongue full of sympathy_

He confused me so often. The mix of passion and sadness. He expected me to kiss away tears as he held onto me for dear life. He expected me to heal wounds that Lawrence could never reach, and I suppose I worked as a band-aide. As long as we were attached he seemed to feel less pain. It wasn't all of the time, it was only when those sudden fears hit him. That's when he'd come. I would always be waiting for him. I couldn't turn him away. I owed him, I loved him. In what way I loved him I would never know, but it was inconsequential. What mattered was that I took care of him when he needed it. That's what friends are for.

_Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints  
So my girlfriend has no clue of how much I've been touching you._


End file.
